Dear Middle Child: We will find our new normal, I promise

Dear middle child,

I know lately, it seems like you and I barely have time together with everything going on in our family. In the past few months, many changes have taken place in our home including the birth of your baby brother. And between helping your big brother with his homework to constantly tending to your little brother, mixed with taking care of our home, and everything else—it doesn’t seem to leave much room for us to spend time together, my second born.

I try my best every day to make time for you in our busy schedule, and on the days when I don’t, it eats me up inside.

At times when the baby naps and your brother heads outside to play, I quickly run to the kitchen to prepare dinner while I have the time. Minutes later, I look up from the boiling pot and see you playing house all alone. Then it all hits me.

Suddenly, I realize that the day is coming to an end, it’s almost time for the dinner-bath-bedtime shuffle, and I reflect on the day and all the times I wanted to play with you but didn’t. I didn’t play with you because I couldn’t, not because I didn’t want to. There were other priorities that seemed to beg louder for my attention, but that doesn’t mean you’re the least of them.

I want you to know that I SEE YOU.

I see you when you bring me your favorite book to read.

I see you when you want me to sit with you and watch your favorite show.

I see you when you want us to go outside and play ball.

I see how hard you try to gauge my attention in everything you do.

For an almost 3-year-old, you’re pretty independent for your age. I love how you attempt to put on your own clothes even if your socks are inside-out, pants are over your head and your shirt’s upside-down. I love that you want to feed yourself all the time and that no one can pull a fast one over you, not even your big brother.

I know our family is changing and growing but I want you to know that you are just as important as your brothers. For now, hang in there with me as we try to navigate our new normal together. Bear with me as I try to establish some sort of balance in raising all three of you without letting anyone down. Know that no matter how hectic our lives get, I will always find time for you.

The day you were born was one of the three most significant days of our life. I don’t just want to count down the days and go through the motions of raising you, rather I want to create meaningful memories and experiences with you.

So, for now, just for now, I have to let you play on the iPad or watch TV just a little longer as I nurse the baby. And believe me, because I’m a media-conscious mom, I feel even more guilt from having to rely on technology as a distraction—but that’s how it has to be for now. Just for now.

We will find a more balanced balance one day soon, my middle child, I promise.

So, for now, even if we can’t spend as much time together as we’d like, let’s embrace the those moments where we do get together.

Let’s cuddle on the couch just for five more minutes.

Let’s talk about what your baby brother is doing when he is nursing.

And let’s connect throughout the day wherever we can.

Our new normal is coming, but for now—let’s find some space in the in between—for just us.

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