Viral TikTok sheds light on the struggles of being the first mom in your friend group

If you were the first one in your friend group to have a baby, you deserve more than just a pat on the back. You deserve a warm hug, some kind words, and a genuine thank you because, honestly, you’ve earned it.

Being a new parent is tough, but being the first mom in your group takes it to a whole new level of bravery. It’s like exploring uncharted territory without a map. No one else can tell you, “Oh yeah, that’s normal. Here’s what worked for me.” Instead, you’re navigating it all on your own—and when your friends eventually join the mom club, they’ll come running to you for advice.

TikTok creator Becca shines a light

This dynamic is perfectly captured in a now-viral TikTok by Becca (@thereal_becca), who dubs the first mom in the group the ultimate MVP. In the video, Becca shares, “Whenever there’s something going on with my baby, my first step is asking my friend…and then asking the pediatrician. So far, she’s had the exact same answers as the pediatrician.”

@thereal_becca the ultimate mom of the friend group 🫶 #newmom #parenthood #newbornlife ♬ original sound – the real becca 💁🏻‍♀️

Her heartfelt acknowledgment of her “spiritual and educational leader” resonated deeply with moms everywhere, particularly those who have been the “first mom” themselves. The video has 118,000 views, and the comments section is filled with stories of triumph, loneliness, and resilience from first moms who paved the way for their friends. Here’s what they had to say:

“Probably one of the loneliest experiences of my life was having kids before anyone I knew…and now that I have friends who check in, I don’t know how to ask for help.” – Katie Stimpson

“I was the first in my group. I lost all my friends. Now they are becoming moms and coming right back to me for advice and help.” – Mahfuza Ali

“My village is random TikTok moms sharing stuff about their babies.” – Sarah Pinson

“It’s also a very lonely experience because no one understands pregnancy or postpartum until experiencing it yourself.” – Nami

“I’m the first in my group, and my baby is 7 weeks old. This recognition is exactly what I needed to hear.” – Katie

Related: Motherhood of the traveling baby bins: How moms are turning hand-me-downs into community

My own experience as the first mom

I can relate. I was 31 when I had my first baby, and parenting wasn’t even a blip on my friends’ radars. While I was undergoing a profound physical, mental, and emotional transformation, my friends were jetting off on vacations, hosting barbecues, and debating which book club read to tackle next. It was a time of overwhelming joy, but also deep isolation.

I vividly remember feeling lost in the baby registry process, endlessly Googling, “Do I need this or that?” with no one to guide me. My nights were sleepless—not just from the pregnancy symptoms but from the mental carousel of “Is THIS normal? Or THIS?” My friends were empathetic, sure, but they couldn’t fully grasp what I was going through. I felt like I was bursting at the seams with love, fear, and confusion, but there was no one in my immediate circle who truly got it.

And postpartum? Oh, boy. My friends would stop by to meet the baby and offer to hold her, but I’d sit there with leaking nipples, piles of laundry everywhere, and a messy mom bun, wondering if my life would ever feel normal again. They’d talk about upcoming weddings or their latest adventure, while I stared at the clock, wondering if it was okay to nurse again so soon.

Related: Groundbreaking blood test could revolutionize how postpartum depression is diagnosed AND treated

The reward of paving the way

If I could go back in time, I would tell myself this: There’s power in being the first. While it may feel lonely now, you are paving the way. One day, your friends will come to you with questions, desperate for the advice you worked so hard to figure out. And when you answer them—when you ease their worries, recommend a swaddle that actually helps the baby sleep, or suggest a bottle that doesn’t cause discomfort—it will feel so rewarding.

There is magic in being a trailblazer. You are proof that uncharted adventures can lead to incredible growth. Yes, it’s lonely. Yes, it’s hard. But you are creating a path for your friends that is just a little less bumpy, and that is a beautiful gift.

To the first moms: We see you

So here’s to you, the first mom in the friend group. Thank you for your courage, your resilience, and your generosity. You are more than just a mom; you’re a pioneer, a lifeline, and a teacher. You deserve every bit of recognition—and maybe even a little trophy to put on your shelf.