I often get asked to describe what a panic attack feels like or how my anxiety presents itself. So I finally sat down, allowed myself to be vulnerable, and came up with this explanation.
The English language refers to the incident as a "miscarriage." The Filipino and Bicol languages, on the other hand, labeled me as a woman with an unborn child, as "nakunan/nakuanan." These roughly translate into "someone from whom something was taken away."
While it's true that there is value in home remedies and anecdotal advice, here's the thing: We must also give ourselves the freedom to ignore advice. It's okay not to do something "just because your mom did it."
With dwindling faith and lots of fear we boarded the plane to Armenia and arrived very late in a foreign land. That night we prayed on the three stars, went to sleep, and hoped that with the morning light our wish would come true.
"I went to my room and looked at my empty bed, and the empty bassinet and realized this was the first time I had been alone since my delivery. This isn’t how it was supposed to be, and so the first breakdown happened."
My number is the one called by the preschool, my name is the one known by nurses at the doctor's office, and when there is a snow day, there is no question about who will rearrange work.
