To the mama preparing to meet her baby—I remember

“Recently, a friend texted me: Here we go, she said. It was a photo of her in a hospital gown.

Lovely and tired, she was in labor and I felt ever so vividly where she was. ⁣⁣⁣

I remembered myself in her place.

I remembered the childless girl who went into a labor and delivery ward scared and in pain and full of wonder and naivety and fear and excitement.

I remember being embarrassed when my water broke in a Hollywood-style fashion all over a cold hospital floor with wonderful strangers around me.

I remember the hours that followed.

I also wanted to say this: That the person she is becoming, the person she will become tonight, will awe the person she is right now.

There was so much unknown. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣

I remember the feeling of lightness when Sunday arrived and the heaviness in the days that followed when the visitors left and the hormones crashed and a wave of newness like nothing I’d ever known came over me. ⁣⁣⁣
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In a way, when I saw my friend’s text, I missed the girl I was when I walked into the hospital that day. The one who lived in a tiny little apartment and took long runs and longer showers and lounged with coffee and slept in. I don’t always feel like I know her anymore. Glimpses of her, maybe. But not the full her. ⁣⁣⁣
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In a way, I wanted to say to my friend: Live in those last few moments. Hug your husband. Cherish that time. ⁣⁣
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But I didn’t. ⁣⁣⁣
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I also knew that contractions hurt and it was hard (because it is) and being so close to the unknown is so uncomfortable yet so strangely spiritual. ⁣⁣⁣
I also wanted to say this: That the person she is becoming, the person she will become tonight, will awe the person she is right now.⁣⁣⁣

Because the mess of it all is what makes it so beautiful.

I wanted to tell her that the little baby she was about to meet will introduce her to herself. ⁣
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I wanted to tell her that the days that are about to follow will be hard—but that it would all be okay. Because the mess of it all is what makes it so beautiful.

(But in quiet moments she’ll always dream about lazy afternoons.)⁣
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I didn’t though.

Instead I told her she was doing great.

I told her I’d be here if she needed me.

I told her I couldn’t wait to see her on the other side. 🤍”