TikTok mom says she’s ‘unsubscribing’ from all holidays from now on

Perhaps the best “gift” of all for any holiday—particularly Mother’s Day—should be the gift of not having to plan your own day. Tami over on TikTok shared a video that went viral about how she’s “passing” on holidays, including Mother’s Day, because of the mental load that goes into planning these events and celebrations. Even if mom is asked to give ideas of what she’d like to do for her special day, it would be nice for us to not have to plan that too and maybe be surprised.

“When you’re doing everything, and then you have to ask your partner to participate, it’s just too much work. It’s too much work,” Tami said in her video. “I hate being a scrooge, I don’t want to let my kids down, but at the same time, they have another parent in the household and he could do it,” she said. 

A conversation sparked the video Tami had with her husband who reminded her that Mother’s Day was coming up, and he asked her what he wanted to do on Mother’s Day. “Even though my entire life I’m always in charge of figuring out what we’re going to do, what we’re going to eat, getting gifts for everybody, and that is the exact reason I told him I’m no longer celebrating holidays,” she said. 

He responded that he was kind of getting that vibe from her, and asked her if she minded if he asked why. 

Tami responded that she couldn’t handle the pressure of it anymore. “All day I feel panicky figuring out who’s going to be here, who are we getting together with, what are we going to eat, what are we going to do, is everybody happy, is the house clean, do we have the gifts…” Tami explained. 

“It’s way too much pressure and I can’t do it anymore,” she said. 

Tami then asked her husband if he could name a man that feels like this with holidays, and handles all the preparations, and while her husband said, while it depended on the relationship of the couple, that he could not. Tami said they know a lot of people, and neither one of them could think of one single man who had this problem that so many moms face. 

She did say, however, if other people in the family came up with a plan, no matter what the plan is, if they come up with a plan and they invite her, she would love to go, “100%,” Tami said. 

“I’m just not down to plan anymore,” Tami said. 

Her husband did apologize for his role he played in this situation, but Tami gave an example of how every Christmas her husband asked what Santa brought everyone because he didn’t know, and she said, “I do.” She did say that maybe this was her fault because she didn’t force him to be more involved. 

“I’m hoping he’s getting the message,” Tami concluded. 

Unfortunately, the majority of the comments were other women commiserating and giving examples of their own holiday blues. 

One mom shared how she told her husband about not wanting to plan something herself and it was a total letdown. “One year I said I just don’t want to PLAN things for that day. He ended up not planning anything and I ate Mac and cheese in my room and cried,” she said.

“On Easter I walked by the baskets and said, ‘Oh look! My basket is filled…. with disappointment’ my husband goes ‘huh?’” one mom said. 

Another mom commented, “I tell my husband every year I do not want to plan Mother’s Day or my birthday. He needs to come up with something. After 22 years he should know what I like.” Tami responded, “Seriously! Why is it so difficult?”

Partners and spouses take note. The best gift of all is to not have to plan everything, even for ourselves, and that goes for all holidays. Share the mental load so everyone can enjoy the day.