This mom’s post is the antidote to the phrase ‘you’ll miss these days’ that we all need to hear

Most of us have heard some iteration of “you’ll miss these days” that if we had a dollar for each time someone said it to us, we’d all be millionaires. Sometimes it feels like people can’t wait to remind you of the ever-changing phases of parenthood and the magic of having little kids. But we so rarely hear about how awesome it can be to have big kids and watch our littles grow into independent humans.

Emily Feret, a mom and popular content creator famous for her “normalizing normal” videos (and being Drew Barrymore’s BFF), just shared the best antidote to that whole “you’ll miss these days” shpiel.

Because will we miss those days of babies and toddlers? Of course we will! But we sure won’t miss all the things. And it helps so much more to hear about what we have to look forward to, rather than what we miss.

“Remember when we had to pack all the diapers?” she begins her Instagram post. “And buy the sun hats and pack bottles and hold them while we dipped their toes in the water, all for them to have a meltdown 30 minutes into the trip that made us have to go home? Remember looking at the moms reading on lounge chairs and wishing for the day to come??”

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A post shared by Emily Feret (@emilyjeanneferet)

Yes. Yes, I remember, because it was basically the better part of the last 7 years of my life.

“Today it happened,” Feret continues. “I, while still having to keep a close eye on the little ones, sat pool-side as they swam near me. I sat and chatted with a friend. I was in the stage that I used to long to be in.”

My youngest is about to turn four, and with that comes a change in my own seasons of parenthood. I can feel myself getting closer to that sweet spot—when my kids are still young enough to enjoy my presence and snuggles and whatnot, but old enough to, like, let me read a book or watch an entire episode of “SVU.”

I know that with all the phases of parenthood, new stressors arise. Instead of worrying about boogers and baby gates, you worry about bullies and broken bones, etc. But as my kids are growing older and more independent, well, I am too. And it feels nice, honestly. I hate the mom guilt that comes with the chiding of “cherish these days” and “you only get 18 summers.” One, because hating certain days doesn’t discount the good ones. And two, you get as many summers as you and your kids want. I mean, I’m 38 years old, and I still vacation with my dad every year.

Feret’s Instagram post is validation for moms who feel similarly, and a source of hope for moms who are currently knee-deep in the “I’m drowning” phases of parenthood.

“This isn’t a post to remind you to ‘enjoy these days, you’ll miss them when they are gone’ – it’s instead to say “one day that stage will be over, there’s light at the end of the tunnel.”

Because there are things we miss, sure. Of course there are. But there are also so many wonderful things to enjoy in the present and look forward to in the future.

“Everything is temporary good and bad,” Feret concludes in her post. “There are stages I miss desperately and some I’m glad to leave behind. And that’s ok. Time always keeps moving forward.”

A version of this post was published in July 2023. It has been updated.