This mom’s friend died—and her husband had to hire a whole staff to ‘replace’ her

We all know how much a mom does in any given day, and how, often, it’s more than her partner and her family combined. The mental, physical, and emotional toll of motherhood is immense—that’s nothing new. But have you ever stopped to think about how your family would function without you? One mom’s viral TikTok forces viewers to ponder that very question, because her closest “mom friend” died, and what happened afterward is a lot to absorb.

“My best friend, my best ‘mom friend’ died in 2020, which sucked,” begins Allison Roozen in her now-viral TikTok video. “We had been pregnant together, we had our babies together. She was like, that friend.”

“And something I keep thinking about is now that she’s gone, the amount of people who have been hired to replace her.”

Her friend was a stay-at-home mom, and since her death, her friend’s widower has hired a landscaper, a house cleaner, two babysitters, and enlists the help of neighbors and grandparents regularly.

Related: In the absence of a village, build your own

“Along with having a girlfriend who does the emotional labor,” Roozen continues. “Like…now they have a village, but before they had a mom who was doing all of that.”

Whew. Is this surprising? No, no it isn’t. Is it still profound? Yes. Profoundly sad and profoundly unfair—for myriad reasons. Predictably, many women came forward in the comments to share their similar feelings.

This almost made me cry. For her, for me, and all moms.

The sad part if it was the other way around the Mom would hire no help and she will figure it out alone

Sad when she probably asked for help multiple times and never got that. Now that she’s gone the help comes.

I’m childfree but damn it I am adamant that being a mom is the most important and challenging job that exists.

my biggest fear is to just be gone after a lifetime of labor, just to be replaced when only a fraction of that would have helped me be the best me.

relatable. I was sick for a month and my entire household and family structure fell into shambles.

Related: Online ‘mom groups’ aren’t the village we need them to be

Last summer I had the distinct displeasure of breaking my foot. I was unable to “get around” the way I was used to “getting around” (read: doing everything) for a long time, and I felt like everything fell completely apart while I was down for the count. Something I’m sure every single mom out there can relate to, if you’ve ever been sick or injured or simply away from home.

We’re our own villages, us and our “mom friends,” more often than not. We do too much and we’re taken for granted—by everyone except each other.