The thoughts every mama has in the shower

Ohhhh sweet water. Sweet, sweet wet water. It’s been SO long since we’ve met. Wait—how long has it been? Like–days? Weeks? Months? I literally cannot remember.

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Thank God I’m finally alone in here. No babies grabbing my boob for a drink, or toddlers pulling my leg for a snack, or little boys whispering in my ear that he “peed in his pants—again.” This shower is heaven.

I should work out more. In theory, I could work out more? But really, I’m maxed out between all the kids, work, and the house. I don’t even have time to shower. When exactly would I work out?

Wait, but maybe working out would give me more energy and make me more efficient at work and home, and somehow magically *saving* me time? Is that actually a possibility of the space-time continuum? What would Albert Einstein say?

Wow, this is a lot of grime. I guess the dry shampoo really adds up. And the not-washing-my-face before bed. For a week. And the times I skip teeth brushing. EEK. I feel amazingly clean! I’m practically sparkling! I’m a new woman!

HOLY LEG HAIR. These puppies haven’t been shaved since—actually, no clue. I see my husband’s razor is right where I left it. . . let’s do this.

I should meditate more.

Why is my baby SOOOOO cute?

We should totally declutter the entire house and get rid of everything we own. I mean, simplify your life—amirite?!

Toilet paper, milk, baby puffs, olive oil. Toilet paper, milk, baby puffs, olive oil. Toilet paper, milk, baby puffs, olive oil.

What was that sound? She *is* still asleep right?

I need to relax—seriously, just to do NOTHING for an entire week. Me, vacation, zero people to take care of. No work emails. I’m going to make it happen.

I miss my baby.

Toilet paper, milk, baby puffs, olive oil. Toilet paper, milk, baby puffs, olive oil. Toilet paper, milk, baby puffs, olive oil.

I should really push to get ahead at work—reach for that goal—hustle 24/7. I am woman. Watch me hustle. I totally got this.

Seriously, who has TIME to meditate? People without kids, that’s who.

Literally can NOT wait for This Is Us to come back.

No, actually, I’m going to talk to my husband about cancelling cable. Save so much money!

Wait, seriously—what was that sound?

I should stop being on my iPhone so much. I need to be present with my kids. No distractions. No notifications pulling me away from my babies. No more Slack messages sending me work emergencies. Be here now, mama.

How bad would it be if I brought my iPhone in to check some text messages? Like, is water damage covered under the protection plan?

Dear God—thank you for all my babies. They are so unique and amazing and adorable and also sometimes really, really demanding and also I wish they would just stay in their beds at night and also for once please let them put their godforsaken shoes on when I ask the first five times. But also thank you they are miracles. ?

I should really shut this water off, I need to conserve resources for the next generation.

BUT THE WATER PRESSURE IS GIVING ME LIIIIFE. I need this. I deserve this.

I feel like I had some things on my grocery shopping list? Maybe? Or not. Can’t remember.

I need to shower every day. I feel like a new woman.

Now to investigate that sound. . .