Britney Spears ex-husband dragged their sons into public family drama—and it’s not OK

Over the weekend, Britney Spears’ ex-husband, Kevin Federline, gave an uncomfortably intimate interview to The Daily Mail that included claims about the couple’s two teen sons. Spears and her current husband, Sam Asghari, also publicly responded to the remarks made in the interview.

Federline tells The Daily Mail that their sons, Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden James, 15, choose not to see their mom, and that they also chose not to be present at her recent wedding to Asghari. 

Related: Britney Spears was tormented for being postpartum, full stop

“The boys have decided they are not seeing her right now,” he said. “It’s been a few months since they’ve seen her. They made the decision not to go to her wedding.”

Unfortunately, the entire interview and the reasons Federline cited as justification for the interview and their sons shunning behavior toward their mother are loaded with misogyny. 

How? Well, for starters, Federline basically says the boys are embarrassed that their mom has been posing semi-nude on Instagram.  

“Look, maybe that’s just another way she tries to express herself,” Federline said. “But that doesn’t take away from the fact of what it does to them. It’s tough. I can’t imagine how it feels to be a teenager having to go to high school.”

Is it possible that their teen sons get ribbed by their teen friends about their mom’s Instagram photos? Sure, of course it is. Teen boys are gonna teen boy and that’s always been the name of the game. That doesn’t mean it’s right, however. 

Related: Why your teen will tune you out

Why should Britney Spears, a grown woman in her forties, have to censor what she posts on Instagram for the comfort of high school boys? This is a woman who has been publicly sexualized since she herself was a teenager—meaning she was unable to actually consent to her public sexualization via the media—and is now, finally after 13 years, able to express herself and take control of how she is presented to the world. 

And, honestly, to drag their underage sons into such a public display of family drama (initiated by Federline and his undoubtedly paid interview with the British tabloid) isn’t OK. Just like Britney Spears had no control over what people said about her publicly or how she was presented to the world when she first hit the music scene at 16 years old, the Federline boys also can’t control or give legal consent to how they’re discussed publicly.

Related: Britney Spears testifies that her dad won’t let her remove her IUD to have more children

Federline also commented on the 13-year conservatorship that controlled his ex-wife’s life until just eight short months ago. He said he believes the conservatorship “saved her” and that’s how he explains it to Sean and Jayden.

“They’ve had a lot of questions about it,” he said. “I don’t know that I can answer all of them for them, but I just tried to explain to them that your mom needed help, you know, and the people were in play to try to make that happen, to make it better.”

During last summer’s testimony against the conservatorship, Spears told the judge that she was the victim of forced contraception.

Related: Forced pregnancy impacts mental health. Here’s how

“I was told … I’m not able to get married or have a baby,” she said at the time. “I wanted to take the IUD out, so I could start trying to have another baby, but they don’t want me to have any more children. So basically, this conservatorship is doing me way more harm than good. I deserve to have a life.”

After the interview began circulating everywhere, Britney responded to the claims via Instagram. She notes that she gave her sons “everything” and that the interview and comments about them were “hurtful.”

“Reminder that the trauma and insults that come with fame and this business not only affect me but my children as well!!!!!,” she wrote in part. “I’m only human and I’ve done my best…I honestly would like to share my TWO CENTS!!!! I daringly would like for the Federline’s to watch the BIG BOOTY VIDEO !!! Other artists have made much worse when their children were extremely young!!!”

She also shared that it was her mother, Lynn Spears, who advised her daughter to give Federline custody of the boys when they were little. 

Related: 5 tips for successful co-parenting, according to an expert

Asghari also responded to Federline’s interview, calling him “irresponsible” for making his claims public.

“There is no validity to his statement regarding the kids distancing themselves and it is irresponsible to make that statement publicly,” Asghari continued. “The boys are very smart and will be 18 soon to make their own decisions and may eventually realize the ‘tough’ part was having a father who hasn’t worked much in over 15 years as a role model.”

In a follow-up post, Asghari shared his wishes that things become more positive as the family moves forward.

“I wish him the best and hope he has a more positive outlook in the future for benefit of all involved.”