I travel with my daughter to build our bond

I use mother and daughter travel time to build my relationship with my child. I love to travel, and want to share that with the people I love. As a parent with a daughter and son, I make time to prioritize trips with each of them—just them.

When my daughter, Lily, was finishing fourth grade, she was struggling with the complexity of friendships and the emergence of “mean girls” in her class. I was headed out of town to teach a class, so I pulled her from school and brought her with me. 

We booked a campsite and spent the week together. My course was in the afternoons and evenings so we spent our days visiting small-town museums and bakeries, driving to a nearby zipline park, or exploring an isolated ghost town. We still talk about the zipline, the moose that crossed the road in front of us and the doughnuts at the bakery. It was a chance to forget about the pressures of home and school and just have fun while building a mother-daughter bond.

When I taught my class, she came with me and curled up with a book at the back of the room. I taught, and she watched. This was a rare opportunity for her to see me as someone more than her mother. I was standing in front of a room of people, telling them to open their books, assigning them projects, and explaining concepts. To Lily, it was a surprise to see me take on a different posture and tone. She brought it up over our dinner back at the campground. “You’re really good at telling people what to do,” she said, using her child’s vocabulary to say what she meant.

Just before she turned 11, we took another one-on-one trip. This time, we flew across the country to visit Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island. As the ferry approached the red sands of this island that held a place in my heart, I was excited yet conflicted. As a young adult, I begged my mother to travel with me. I was desperate to go to Prince Edward Island with just her.

Related: One-parent-one-child trips are a wonderful way to bond 

It took me seven years of being rebuffed with various excuses before I gave up. As much as I wanted to build an adult relationship with my mom through mother and daughter travel, it didn’t happen. So instead I’m here with my daughter. Lily doesn’t see the battle of emotions inside me, but she is excited to stay on the houseboat I booked for us. 

I treasure spending time with her this way. We walk barefoot along the beach, finding bits of broken glass and hurling them back into the water. They’re not beach glass yet. We don’t have a timeline for this activity. We can stay here all day or until the tide comes in and washes away our footprints. 

Traveling with kids is a delight. I don’t have to nag her to practice her violin or get her socks off the floor. Dinner is whatever we want, and bedtime is whenever we get tired. This is our chance to get to know each other better, away from the chores and responsibilities of home. I can see what she really likes to do, and we can both relax.

When our flight out of Halifax is delayed, we miss our connection and end up spending a night in a city we hadn’t planned on staying in. Lily is stressed. She wants to panic, but I remain calm. I’ve been through flight delays before. This is something we can handle together, and a memory we will share afterwards. We now laugh about the weird hotel and the food vouchers we were given, even though it was stressful at the time.

Related: 5 phrases that can help strengthen your mother/daughter bond 

This is what I wanted to do: create memories shared by just the two of us and build that mother-daughter bond that I crave. She doesn’t have to share these with her brother. This is just for the two of us.

When we return home, we will have all our chores and activities again. I will be busy with work and she will have school, sports and her friends. It is important to me to take time out from the daily routine to really get to know this little person of mine.

That’s the real beauty of these trips; the relationship that is forged and strengthened through shared experiences. I do make time at home to take her with me on errands or out for lunch, but this mother and daughter travel time is a chance to do so much more, and delve deeper into who she is now and who she wants to be.

When Lily and I came back full of stories, photos and experiences, my son wanted to go to Nova Scotia too. I have promised him a different trip to somewhere neither of us have ever been. We’re going to pan for gold in the Yukon so he can seek his fortune in the land of the midnight sun.

Related: I travel with my young kids to build their hearts, not memories

Nowadays, I rarely call my mom. Ours is not a close relationship. I want it to be different for my own children. I want to know them better and let them see a different side of me.

I’m not just the mom who insists on teeth-brushing and room-cleaning. I’m also the mom who tries to chase hermit crabs at the beach, rides the zipline and is happy to share a lobster roll on the pier. I’m here to support each child becoming who they really are. That’s why I love traveling with kids, because it gives me the opportunity to do just that.

As they grow up and enter their teenage years and beyond, their life experiences will take them to other places and away from me. However, these one-on-one trips forge special shared experiences and carve out a place in our hearts that we can return to when times are tougher and relationships more difficult. So I encourage traveling with kids—you never know where it may take you.