Here’s exactly how to try ‘responsive feeding’ with toddlers

As I watched my toddler, spoon in hand, dive into his bowl of cereal with the unearned confidence present in many 2-year-olds, I was struck by the chaotic beauty of the mess—yes, you read that correctly. Before you roll your eyes, allow me a moment to explain: There’s an undeniable joy in watching your child’s culinary explorations unfold, milk on the floor and Cheerios in their hair notwithstanding. This typical scene of disarray perfectly captures the very heart of responsive feeding (RF), a journey marked by messy faces and eager hands that fosters a nourishing bond with food through the freedom of exploration and play.

As the cofounder of Easy Bites, an app that empowers parents to become the heroes of their children’s nutritional journey through actionable advice and responsive feeding techniques, and child development insights, I know how hard it can be to strive for a semblance of order in the delightful disarray of feeding our little ones. 

Here’s what to know about responsive feeding—and how to infuse more joy into every morsel of the journey.

What is responsive feeding?

Responsive feeding is about allowing children the space to explore their food in their own unique way, at their own pace. It’s understanding that with toddlers, this exploration often comes with a side of unpredictability. But it’s through this sensory play—squishing, tossing and yes, even flinging—that children learn. They’re not just making a mess; they’re developing motor skills and fostering a curiosity about the world around them, one smushed pea at a time.

Navigating the challenges of messy learning

Admittedly, embracing this mess can be a daunting task. For those of us who cherish a clean house or simply prefer some semblance of order, the sight of food flying across the room can test our patience. However, resisting the urge to constantly clean up after our little ones is crucial. Research indicates that parents’ apprehensions about messiness can hinder the self-feeding process, which is vital for children’s developing relationship with food (Heller et al., 2019; Love et al., 2020). Embracing a bit of chaos at the dinner table can, surprisingly, lead to a more harmonious relationship with food for our children.

Finding ease in the chaos

How do we find peace in the pandemonium? It starts with letting go of strict manners at the table and accepting that, sometimes, the floor will catch more food than their mouths. Preparing your space can alleviate some stress—think wipeable mats and child-friendly utensils that encourage autonomy without adding to the cleanup. Allowing kids to self-clean with their own cloth or napkin can also empower them and slightly reduce the mess they create (every bit helps!). 

Balancing playfulness and eating with toddlers

While it’s important to foster an environment where our kids can freely play and explore their food, it’s crucial to draw a line between guided discovery and overt direction. The art of responsive feeding is to observe and support, not dictate or orchestrate. For instance, if your child decides to sculpt a mountain range out of mashed potatoes, let their imagination be the guide rather than suggesting it. The moment we start directing the ‘fun,’ such as coaxing them to draw a face with their food to encourage tasting, we risk turning a meal into a performance, and the pressure can sour their appetite. Similarly, intricate food art sets an expectation that may lead to disappointment. Those lovingly crafted cheese sandwich stars set against a blueberry sky? They might be utterly ignored, or worse, tossed aside by your unimpressed toddler, turning your hard work into a tough lesson in culinary acceptance. Responsive feeding means finding balance, embracing spontaneity and appreciating the organic nature of your child’s engagement with food.

Embracing the messy journey

As we navigate the messy, beautiful journey of responsive feeding, it’s essential to remember that the mayhem on the high chair isn’t just a phase to withstand but an integral part of our children’s growth. 

Mentally and physically gearing up for the inevitable spills and splatters can shift our perspective, allowing us to find joy amid the spaghetti-splattered chaos and yogurt-crowned toddlers. These messy moments are fleeting glimpses into our children’s burgeoning independence and curiosity about the world. By embracing the mess, we’re not just keeping our children happy; we’re nurturing adventurous, confident eaters who will carry a love of food and a spirit of exploration throughout their lives.

So here’s to the messy faces and eager hands. May we always find worth in the chaos, recognizing that each spill and splat is a step toward our children’s growth, autonomy and a lifetime of joyful, healthy eating. Let Easy Bites be the gentle nudge that reminds you to relish this deliciously untidy voyage, one exuberant bite at a time.