In the absence of a village, build your own

The age of fellow moms in your life (and the ages of their children)

It can be easier to relate when ages (loosely) line up

The arrangement of work and life

For example, mothers who work outside the home may have a hard time connecting with moms who stay home. There are only so many hours in the day…

The courage it requires to reach out to another woman

This is a big barrier for many of us, because no matter how good the woman’s reason for not picking up your offer, it can still feel like rejection. We thought we left that feeling behind with our dating years?

The feeling that the women around you already have a village in place

This can be exacerbated by social media, where people often appear secure and connected when in reality they may need someone as much as you do.

A fragmented village

Maybe you have people who care about you and people you care about, but when those people don’t live in the same place or don’t know each other, you may not feel the security of a supportive network.

So, here are 6 critical tips to help you build your village—

First, believe that you don’t have to do motherhood on your own

What would it be like knowing your children could play in your neighborhood with other watchful, protective eyes on them? What would it be like to know that encouragement was only a text away or that in your lowest moments you could just show up on a friend’s doorstep, no questions asked?

“When my twins were born, I built my village. My parents, in-laws, sitters I trusted, friends to text when I felt ready to give up… I only wish I had built it with my first baby, instead of believing I was mama bear and had to do it all alone!”

Melissa Hunter-Noori

Next, get comfortable (ironically) with vulnerability

One of the advantages (if you can call it that) of not having a village is that no one has to know that you don’t always have it together—that you are exhausted and lonely and can’t see above your laundry pile.

But with that comes the feeling that you’re parenting in a vacuum. Without girlfriends and family to witness your life (the good and the bad), it almost feels like you aren’t really living it—you’re marking time instead of experiencing it.

Vulnerability allows us to take friendships to a much more meaningful level, and in turn we find ourselves feeling happier and more comfortable in our own skin because of the authenticity we’ve developed in the safety of close relationships.

“I have learned to drop the façade and lay it all out, and in return they do the same.”

Mary Stockton

Watch for women you can bring in

“I put myself out there over and over and it seems everyone is happy with the status quo—their current situation, friend-wise.”

Chelsie Hatch

A village gets stronger with numbers. If you already have a support network, keep your eyes open for women like Chelsie who might need what you can offer. Be a people connector.

Keep working on YOU

I was so inspired by Tina’s comment on Facebook—

“For those who are yearning for a community connection, keep working on yourselves until the right women are presented to you. Your vibe attracts your tribe.”

Tina Jheeta

Your vibe attracts your tribe. I couldn’t agree more.

Ask for help and accept it when it’s offered

I would have been fine without the pizza that my sister-in-law ordered for me. We could have eaten cold cereal that night. She knew that. But she also knew that sometimes it’s not really about the action; it’s about knowing that someone is there for you.

Accept that feeling wholeheartedly when it’s offered to you.

Offer YOUR help

I saved the most crucial element for last. Being willing to help others—to be their village—is the biggest key to creating one.

“I am responsible for creating my own village. I realized it was about reaching out to other moms and being of service to them. That is where my village came from.”

Amanda Roberts