Mom of four shares why household chores almost ended her marriage

On paper, Paige Connell’s husband was the dream. Supportive. Loyal. Hands-on. But her TikTok video—which has now hit 11 million views—lays bare a truth millions of mothers are nodding along to: even a “good guy” can be part of the problem when it comes to the mental load of motherhood.

Connell’s story starts three years ago, when she had four kids, a full-time job, and what looked like a stable marriage. But behind the scenes, she was drowning in invisible labor. The video opens with a gut-punch: “I had an amazing husband… but I was incredibly frustrated and burnt out from our marriage and from motherhood.” And just like that, she peeled back the curtain on the emotional labor that so often goes unseen, unheard—and unshared.

“Just tell me what to do”

Connell recalls the moment that tipped her over the edge: after begging her husband to take over a few simple tasks in the morning—emptying the dishwasher and taking out the trash—he forgot. Again. And the weight of that forgetfulness wasn’t just in the trash can or the dirty dishes. It was the weight of being the project manager of the home, the person who not only does the tasks but remembers, plans, anticipates, and delegates every single one of them.

And when she texted him about it? His reply: “Sorry, I was running late for work.”

The kicker? So was she.

This moment, mundane on the surface, became a flashpoint. Connell realized something mothers across America live daily: “Every single thing in our home happens because I asked him to do it, or because I do it myself, or because I planned and organized it.”

Related: The soap dispenser experiment: a window into the invisible mental load of motherhood

The exhausting ask

Connell’s husband’s response—“just tell me what to do”—isn’t malicious. But it misses the point. As TikTok commenters piled in, women echoed her exhaustion:

• Alynna ✨: “Having to ask is ANOTHER TASK.”
• Sinner Kitten: “Even the statement ‘tell me what to do’ adds mental load in itself.”
• Rhonda Chung: “Who is going to remind me to remind you?”
• Marijke: “I don’t need him to do more, I need him to KNOW more”
• Rachel: “My husband used to always say “if you need help, just ask” and it would enrage me because nobody was “asking” me to do everything. The mental load is exhausting.”

The mental load isn’t just about chores. It’s the emotional and cognitive labor of holding a family together. The diaper bag doesn’t fill itself. The favorite water bottle isn’t just magically in the dishwasher. The field trip forms, the pediatrician appointments, the grocery lists—all of it lives in a mother’s brain by default.

Connell’s story went viral not because it was rare, but because it was so heartbreakingly common. Her vulnerability gave shape to something women have long been gaslit into believing is just “part of the job.”

This isn’t about one couple

Connell is careful to say: this dynamic isn’t just about her marriage. “We’ve been raised in the society that tells men and women who they should be in marriages,” she explains. It’s the cultural script—where moms are the default, the managers, the shock absorbers—that’s broken.

And the numbers back her up. A Gallup study found that 81% of working moms report burnout, and studies repeatedly show that women, even those in egalitarian marriages, carry the brunt of household and childcare duties.

Related: The mental load of motherhood: 6 new ways to share parenting duties with your partner

There is a way forward—but it takes work

Connell and her husband eventually found their way back to each other—through therapy, hard conversations, and months of reworking the dynamics in their home. She says they’re now “happier than ever.” But she doesn’t sugarcoat how much labor went into redistributing the labor.

The comments on her video say it all. Some cheered her on. Others expressed anger that it took that much effort to get equity. And many said what we all feel: we are tired of being the ones to see everything, do everything, remember everything.

Because a woman’s love language? Is not having to ask.