From estrangement to empowerment: Celebrating the holidays beyond the past

My mom has been gone for 13 years. She’s not dead. I broke up with her. 

Parent estrangement is a complex and individual experience. You see, I’ve carried my mother’s burdens throughout my childhood and into my adulthood but fight like hell not to carry it into my motherhood. These years are mine. These years are my children’s. They get their own childhood and I get to embrace my newfound empowerment. My family gets to create new holiday traditions beyond my past. More festive and free from the toxicity that I endured. The toxic cycles, my parent’s past and my own, stops with me. 

Many of us can connect on some level over toxic parenting stories from our own upbringing. Nowadays,  the growing popularity of positive parenting and conscious discipline is trending like Taylor Swift. With the holidays at our doorstep, the feelings of shame, pain and disappointment from parent estrangement may come to visit, attempting to cast shadows on the love and light that we so desperately want to feel during the festivities. I can’t help but wonder, beyond the web of toxicity, how many of us are traveling on this estranged adventure? I find myself thinking there are more of us than not. A heart-warming reminder that we are not alone.

The holiday season comes adorned with nostalgia and familial warmth but for those navigating parent estrangement during the upcoming holiday season, it can feel like a landscape of emotional landmines. Yet, within this complicated weave, there lies an opportunity to write a new narrative, one of empowerment and the discovery of self. An opportunity to end a legacy of generational trauma and toxic parenting and create a legacy of love. 

This is where we have the gift of turning our pain into power. A unique chance to break free from the expectations of old traditions of our painful past and forge a path illuminated by the light. This isn’t about erasing the past but about reclaiming the present so we can live wholeheartedly. We can feel to deal and then heal. 

Your journey from estrangement to empowerment doesn’t need to exist in isolation. Share your light with others who may be navigating similar paths. We are not affected children, broken adults or potentially bad moms. Empowerment blooms from intentional actions. We are the implications of our choices. Choosing to create space between yourself and a toxic parent is an act of self-preservation, a gift of transformation. 

There’s magic in speaking our truth and knowing that in our most vulnerable moments, we can discover that we are not alone. Taking the first step out of your comfort zone is where the magic happens. Embrace your growth and watch your life transform. We do not need permission to shine and sparkle, especially during the holidays. 

To all the courageous souls out there on this challenging path of estrangement, I want to remind you that you’re not alone on this journey. Keep moving forward. Keep loving and nurturing yourself and know that your strength is your gift of presence.  

Find joy creating new traditions with your own family, maybe it’s a solo holiday getaway, a festive feast with friends that are family or a quiet day of self-reflection. We can always transform the pain of estrangement into the purpose of creating a space for personal joy. Whether it’s volunteering, starting a new holiday hobby or indulging in acts of kindness, channeling your energy towards positive endeavors becomes a powerful source of empowerment.

As you navigate this holiday season, recognize the strength you’ve cultivated through estrangement. This inner strength and self-awareness are your lifelong companions. Each step away from the past is a step toward the person you’re meant to be and perhaps the parent you never had.