What is FAFO parenting? The viral trend changing how kids learn responsibility

If you’ve spent any time on MomTok or scrolling Instagram parenting accounts lately, you’ve probably seen the term FAFO parenting popping up. But what exactly does it mean?

Let’s clear it up: It stands for f** around and find out* parenting.

Before you clutch your pearls, this isn’t some free-for-all approach to raising kids. FAFO parenting is just a way of saying that we should let children experience the natural consequences of their actions—without a parent constantly stepping in to save the day. 

For example, if your kid refuses to wear a jacket when it’s 30 degrees outside, they’ll quickly realize that being cold isn’t fun—and next time, they’ll probably grab the coat without a fight.

Why FAFO parenting is going viral

The term has been floating around parenting circles for a while, but it recently got a fresh boost when Kylie Kelce (yes, that Kelce—wife of Super Bowl champ Jason Kelce and sister-in-law to the Taylor Swift’s boyfriend). On her Not Gonna Lie podcast, she shared how her husband nailed the FAFO approach with their daughter when she refused to wear a jacket:

“So he opened the front door, took her outside for just less than a minute. So no safety concern here. Less than a minute, she’s outside. She comes back. She’s like, ‘It’s cold out there.’ And I’m like, ‘Great. Let’s put your jacket on.’ And then guess what? She put her jacket on.”

No yelling, no power struggle—just a little FAFO moment that worked like a charm.

The social media boost

A post from Scary Mommy helped catapult FAFO parenting into the mainstream, explaining that this style is about giving kids autonomy over their choices (and dealing with the fallout). They also shared a TikTok from @HeyImJanelle, who put it this way:

“They get their natural consequences and get to figure out the way through them.”

Janelle shared her own FAFO parenting moment—letting her son decide when he was ready to put on dry clothes after refusing to wear a rain jacket on a camping trip. No nagging, no hovering—just learning through experience.

Related: This video shows how gentle parenting can heal your inner child

Why parents are embracing FAFO parenting

Let’s be real: Kids will test limits. It’s part of the job description. FAFO parenting shifts the dynamic from nagging parent vs. stubborn child to cause and effect in real time:

• Instead of nagging, kids experience the impact of their choices.
•  Instead of arguing, parents step back and let the lesson unfold naturally.
• Instead of micromanaging, kids gain independence and problem-solving skills.

FAFO parenting is particularly appealing to millennial and Gen Z parents who are exhausted by the pressure to do it all perfectly (hello, mental load). It allows kids to gain independence while freeing parents from constant micromanaging.

When FAFO parenting works (and when it doesn’t)

FAFO parenting works best in low-stakes situations where kids can safely learn from their choices, like:

• Refusing to wear a jacket in cold weather
• Skipping homework and dealing with the consequences
• Forgetting their lunch and realizing they need to remember it next time

But when it comes to safety (crossing the street without looking, touching a hot stove, running into traffic), the find out part is not an option. FAFO parenting is about teaching responsibility, not putting kids at risk.

And while FAFO parenting can be part of gentle parenting, it’s not about letting kids run wild. As Kylie Kelce put it:

“I think there are some misunderstandings about the idea of gentle parenting. There are people who gentle parent in a way that their kids have no boundaries and are never told no. And I just don’t feel as though my kids would be equipped to enter the world and hear no from other people.” 

Fafo emphasizes that kids need to learn to own the consequences of their decisions, rather than simply perform for adults and “do as they’re told.” 

Related: A retired teacher shares the biggest parenting mistake she saw throughout her career

The bottom line

Rather than being neglectful, FAFO parenting is built on trust. Research in child development supports the idea that natural consequences help children build executive functioning skills, self-regulation, and independence. 

According to Montessori philosophy, children thrive when they are allowed to learn from real-world experiences rather than constant parental intervention. 

Similarly, experts in gentle parenting advocate for providing children with autonomy while maintaining firm but compassionate guidance. Trusting that kids are capable of making decisions, learning from mistakes, and gaining independence (with a safety net in place). For parents tired of repeating themselves 200 times a day, it’s a refreshing shift.

So next time your kid refuses to wear their shoes outside? Maybe just let them FAFO.

And if they ask for Band-Aids later? Just remind them: Remember, that’s why we wear shoes. 

Sources:

1. Embracing Gentle Parenting. LinkedIn. Embracing Gentle Parenting: Nurturing Young Minds with Compassion.
2. Montessori: The world’s most influential school? BBC. Montessori: The world’s most influential school?
3. How we as parents can support our children’s development. Davidson Institute. Executive Functioning – what is it, why we need it, and how we as parents can support our children’s development.