Child therapist shares a simple tip on how to better connect with your child, and it’s a game-changer

Do you ever feel like you have to pry information out of your kiddo to get them to talk about, well, anything? 

“How was school today?”

“Good.”

“Did you have fun at the birthday party?”

“Yeah.”

A lot of times when we ask children questions, we get one-word answers, and it can be nearly impossible to draw any more out of them. You may try asking more open-ended questions, but sometimes that doesn’t work either. So what do you do when you’re trying to connect and they’re not letting you in?! Stop asking questions.

Lindsay Adams, who’s half of the child therapist Instagram duo @mindfulasamotherco, shared a reel about how her husband fostered a better relationship with their son, and it’s all about using connecting statements.

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A post shared by Linds & Paige (@mindfulasamotherco)

“About a month ago, our son told my husband that he asks him too many questions,” she explained in the video. “This is really the moment it clicked for me that questions really are perceived as demands by some people’s systems and because I’m a child therapist, I naturally use more connecting statements anyway with my children and I didn’t see that this was the difference in what was making my relationship a little bit more smooth and my husband’s sometimes more rocky when it came to connecting with my son.” 

Adams then gave some examples of connecting statements for parents to tweak for their own children and their experiences:

“I thought of you during your math test today.”

“Ooh, looks like you’re making a snack.”

“You seem like you’re in a really good mood.”

“I saw it was raining today during recess.”

“My husband tried some of these and his relationship and connection with my son have improved so much,” she added. “They’ve been having more conversations rather than just like a ‘good’ or ‘ugh, you ask too many questions.’”

Connection is truly all in how we talk to our kids, and sometimes all it takes is a simple reframe or change in delivery to get our kids to open up.

Speech is only one way to connect with your child. If you feel like they’re still distant even after using connecting statements, there are other habits you can embrace to strengthen your bond like physical connection (there is no such thing as too many hugs!), one-on-one time, turning off technology while you interact, and, perhaps the most important thing of all for little kids, playing.