What parents need to know about the new ‘sextortion’ cases with teens

Social media changes at an absolutely breakneck pace. While most parents of teens and tweens today grew up without social networks at all, Gen Z and Gen Alpha are natives of a constantly-evolving social media landscape, and as these networks change, so do the risks they pose. 

In the last few weeks, two scary-sounding new “trends” have emerged: The Wall Street Journal reports that teens at a New Jersey high school were circulating AI-generated nude images of their classmates; a separate report warned of a scam in which Snapchat users pose as teen girls, send nude images to teen boys in exchange for their nude images, then blackmail them with the threat of sending the images to their contacts if they don’t pay. 

As parents, reading these headlines and articles feels terrifying, enough to make you want to throw your child’s phone in a lake. (Spoiler alert: that won’t really help.) But while these reports are upsetting, there are things you can do to help protect your kids online and make them as safe as possible. 

We spoke to Kim Karr, the co-founder and executive director at Digital4Good and #ICanHelp, a nonprofit that focuses on helping empower and educate young people online, for tips on talking to your tweens and teens about digital safety.

First, talk through what’s going on with your kid. Read them the article you want to discuss (kids often have a knee-jerk negative reaction to “I just read online…” without specifics) and then pose the question: what would you do if this happened to you or one of your friends? 

“The number one thing students tell us is that they want their parents to listen more,” says Karr. “It’s not an interrogation. Parents freak out because this is all new to them, but you want to make your kid feel like hey, we’re working side-by-side.” So really hear them out—maybe they’ve already given this some thought and have a great plan. If they’re not sure what they’d do, here’s Karr’s expert-backed guidance on how to advise them.

Have them tell a trusted adult about anything suspicious online

Whenever they encounter something that doesn’t feel right online—someone they don’t know asking for photos of them, or asking for payment, or really anything that they’re uncomfortable with—they should go to an adult. 

But—and this is hard for parents to accept sometimes—it doesn’t have to be you. “Kids don’t want to tell their parents everything,” says Karr. “It can be a coach, it can be a counselor at their school, it can be a neighbor they have a good relationship with,” she says, but the important thing is your child trusts this person and would be comfortable going to them. The best way to leave the door open so that it might be you is to stay cool, calm and collected during your conversations about digital safety. 

“Once you freak out, this generation doesn’t want to give you anxiety,” says Karr. “We just need to address what our kids can do, instead of freaking out.”

Teach them good online behavior

Being online “is just like driver’s ed—we have to teach them how to drive from the passenger seat,” says Karr. Don’t assume your child knows what’s safe and what’s not on social media. 

Really walk them through the rules: never send your address, credit card number, Venmo or CashApp out, only accept requests from people you really know, don’t share passwords, emphasize the permanence of the internet even if something seems like it will disappear. (There are always screenshots.) #ICanHelp has a full parent course on online safety, if you’d like to learn more. 

Tell them to keep screenshots

Those stories about AI-generated images of child sexual abuse material (CSAM) and extortion over CSAM images? Beyond just being appalling behavior, those are crimes. The best defense if, god forbid, anything remotely like that should happen to them or anyone they know is to keep meticulous records. Screenshot everything. “You have to keep [everything,]” says Karr. “They should actually put their phone on airplane mode,” she explains, to avoid the other party being able to delete messages. A record of what has happened is crucial. 

(Here, a small side note: that record is private between your family and law enforcement/the appropriate authorities you’ve involved. If your child is going through something awful like this, however anonymous you might think you’re being, don’t post on Facebook or NextDoor and try not to tell friends in your community. “Your child is going through a traumatic situation, and we’re making it worse by making it bigger,” says Karr.) 

Monitor their phones—and let them know you’re doing it

Trust is hugely important with tweens and teens, but having a smartphone is also an immense privilege and not an absolute right. Karr recommends installing a parent-monitoring app (she likes Bark), which can do everything from alert you to searches your child might make for “paintball” (it comes up as a weapon, believe it or not) to the use of profanity in their group chats. By being upfront about the fact that you’re monitoring their phones, you’re actually building trust, however counterintuitive it might sound. “[Your child is] gonna start telling you—‘mom, I’m searching paintballs, you’re gonna get a notification.’ You’re cueing them to tell you in advance,” says Karr. And not just you—it ups the likelihood they’ll think to use “my mom checks my phone” as an excuse if they’ve ever got their back up against the wall on something. 

The truth is that while “sextortion” is scary, it’s just the latest technological mutation in the time-honored rite of going through the pits of adolescence. “This is just a new way of people being mean,” says Karr.  And if you and your child are prepared, hopefully one you can both avoid.

To donate to #ICanHelp and Digital4Good’s mission to end cyberbullying and online sexual exploitation, click here.