To the mom who kept my child safe: Thank you

My daughter was 2 when we had our first playdate. Another mom, home on maternity leave with her second child, asked if we might want to get our kids together to play. I was pregnant at the time and eager to speak with another mom in the thick of it. Our text exchange was typical. We agreed on a day and a time and decided to go to their house. She warned me that they had a dog, which I appreciated. Then, she disclosed that there were guns in the house but that they were stored securely far away from the children. I was shocked. I had never had another person be upfront about having firearms in the house. I replied, “No worries, thanks for telling me.” I had plans to stay with my toddler the entire visit so I wasn’t concerned.

Looking back on it now, I am so impressed with this mother for being so proactive in telling me. Until recently, there really hasn’t been a precedent to have this type of conversation. I can now appreciate her candor and recognize that her statement was a gift to me. She said the hard thing so I didn’t have to ask.

Our kids are 6 now and have started to have solo play dates (drop off and go). Her statement to me is even more crucial now since it’s entirely possible that they would be playing unsupervised for part of the visit. Because of this mother’s thoughtfulness, I now know to have a quick, potentially uncomfortable conversation with the parents of her future playmates. Now, I always ask: “are there any guns in the house?”

Firearms are now the leading cause of death for children in America. 4.6 million children live in a household with at least one loaded, unlocked gun. Be Smart for Kids, a campaign to promote responsible gun ownership, reports that “each year, 350 children in America gain access to a firearm and unintentionally shoot themselves or someone else.” Additionally, “more than 700 children living in America die by gun suicide every year.” The data highlights an important fact: American children are gaining access to firearms and it’s proving deadly.

How to ask about guns before a playdate

With that reality, it is worthwhile to have a conversation with the parents of our children’s friends. It’s time to ask about guns in the home. It may be an awkward, but potentially life-saving conversation.

Here are two examples of simple but effective text messages:

• “We’re excited for the playdate tomorrow! My kid tends to be very curious and our doctor recommended I ask if there’s an unlocked gun in the house?”  
• “Looking forward to the sleepover this weekend! I always ask…are there any unlocked guns in your home? Also, what can I bring for snacks? Can’t wait!”

If you’re the one hosting, offering this information up front is a very thoughtful gesture. We recently visited a friend who told me upfront that there were guns in the house but they were stored safely and unloaded. I appreciated the candor. It’s a good habit for us all to get into as we begin to normalize this conversation.

Safe gun storage is the easiest and most effective way to keep our communities safe. Not only will it prevent unintentional shootings in the home, but it may also be the key to prevent the next school shooting. 3⁄4 of school shooters acquire their firearm from the home of their parents or close relative.

Families can get a free gun lock from Project ChildSafe, a program of the National Shooting Sports Foundation, dedicated to promoting firearms safety and education. You may also acquire a gun lock from a pediatricians office or local police department. The National Rifle Association (NRA) has shared this information about safely storing guns.

Whatever your preferred source for information, the message is the same: kids are not safe around unsecured firearms. Although gun reform is often a politically divisive issue, securing firearms to keep our children safe is something we can all agree upon.

Since children are naturally curious, it’s also a good idea to have an explicit conversation with children about what to do if they find a gun. It’s always a good idea to prepare children ahead of time: “If you see a gun, don’t touch it. Go and tell a grown-up.”

In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to have these difficult conversations with our children. We could let them play with their friends without worrying about them happening upon a firearm. However, that’s not our reality and we would be remiss to ignore the staggering statistics on children’s access to guns. 

By having quick conversations with adults and children about safe gun storage, we are saving lives. It might be awkward at first but, the more we have these conversations, the more normalized they will become.