5 ways to help parents raise happy kids (that aren’t gifts)

Every parent wants to raise happy kids—and we sometimes inadvertently spend a lot of moments measuring our success as parents by our children’s happiness.

We want our kids to experience a joy-filled life. We want them to get the things that they want—more often than not. We want to see the smiles on their faces when they get the new tablet they’ve been begging for or when they finally get a bike for their birthday.

Related: Is it really true that we’re only as happy as our least happy child?

Supplying our children’s physical wants (and of course their needs) plays a big part in satisfying them. But happiness is something that goes far beyond what you give your children—it lies in how you raise them.

What if I suggested that creating deep and lasting happiness for your kids is about much more than gifts? I’m sure a lot of parents would agree with me, but wonder just how to raise happy kids beyond material things.

If you want to raise happy kids, try these 5 things:

1. Give them experiences

Experiences are a way of building and shaping your child. And honestly, they don’t always have to be grand expeditions across the country or abroad (though they certainly can be). Experiences start from within—like having them help you cook dinner for the holidays or signing them up for horseback riding or drama club.

Experiences are as simple as introducing them to something they’ve never done before and making that moment a lasting imprint that they will carry forever.

2. Make memories

As a child, I hold nostalgic memories of building forts in the living room for family movie night, playing hide-and-seek with my siblings and parents, neighborhood cul-de-sac barbecues and so much more.

My memories hold truth of quality time spent with family and loved ones—and that was my parent’s key to raising happy kids. They made an effort to spend time with us, to be present in the moments that would eventually become memories.

Related: As a mom, I’m ‘Chief Memory Maker’—a job that is equal parts wonderful and hard

3. Encourage relationship building

As parents, we have to acknowledge that we will not be our children’s only source of happiness. The totality of their happiness will come from many sources combined, so encourage them to build meaningful relationships with others—family and friends alike.

Make an effort to get to know their friends (and the parents), set up play dates for them and encourage their chances to spend time with other family members.

4. Be happy yourself

Your children study you and oftentimes imitate the behavior you display. If you are knowingly unsatisfied or unhappy a lot of the time, your kids will know. And sometimes, they might even blame themselves for your unhappiness.

The state of your emotions has a huge impact on your children’s emotions. So how can you be a happier parent? Don’t strive for perfection. Make time for yourself. Go on dates with your spouse. Spend time with friends. Do the things you love. Trust me, your kids will appreciate a happy parent—and it’ll boost their own happiness along the way.

5. Acknowledge that sometimes they will be unhappy

Out of all of the emotions in the world, happiness is only one of them. In order to help build your children’s happiness, you have to acknowledge that sometimes they will be unhappy, too. And you have to let them.

You have to let them have other feelings. You have to let them process their emotions. You have to let them learn how to overcome hardships and find their way back to happiness. You have to be that place of emotional safety for them, a space where they feel they have complete permission to unfold and feel their emotions.

Related: Viral TikTok shows why we HAVE to be more thoughtful in dealing with kids’ emotions

I know that as parents, we don’t want to see our children hurt, sad, anxious, broken or stressed. But we have to understand that sometimes, it is beyond our control. And the most we can do in those moments is be there for them, not try to manage their emotions or rush past the unhappiness.

Because by brushing off their other feelings or making them believe that they’re not allowed to feel a certain way, it’s doing more harm than good—even if your intentions are pure.

Related: The biggest indicator of a kid’s happiness, according to survey

There are many ways to raise happy kids that are beyond gift-giving, and while these are just a handful, they’re a great start. Raising happy kids can be work, but it’s so worth it to see them content and satisfied in life. And remember, the goal is not momentary happiness—it’s lasting happiness.