Study shows humor—yes, even bad jokes—could be fundamental to parenting

When families experience conflict, talking it out can usually help. But so can diffusing the tension with a silly moment or a well-timed joke, according to a study published this week in the journal PLOS One. Researchers surveyed around 300 people about their experiences being raised with or without humor and how it made them view their childhood. They found that those raised by caregivers who used humor were more likely to have a good relationship with them, a positive view of them, say they did a good job, and try to emulate their parenting techniques, according to senior study author Dr. Benjamin Levi, professor of pediatrics and humanities at Pennsylvania State College of Medicine.

Dr. Benjamin Levi, professor of pediatrics and humanities at Pennsylvania State College of Medicine, warns that the study was small and the participants weren’t very diverse, so this subject needs more investigation. But “this is just the very first of several studies that we’re doing to better understand both how humor was used with children and … what sort of they (the children) took away from that,” she said.

Levi noted that “Using humor can change your child’s behavior, but can also help you reframe a stressful situation, and that was, for me, a huge saving grace.”

But he also warned that it isn’t a cure-all. While the research points to humor being a key part of effective parenting, the next part of the research will explore how to use humor effectively.

“The real question is, how can humor be used appropriately for the children? Because humor can be weaponized. Humor can be exploitative,” he said. Some key points: the child’s age, the severity of the problem they’re facing, and the temperament of the person receiving the joke. Also key is, as a caregiver, never using humor to “punch down” at a child — or make them feel smaller.

“It’s something to be really careful about because children are resilient, but they’re also vulnerable, and there’s an inherent power imbalance between parents and children,” Levi said. “A 13-year-old who comes home sullen and doesn’t want to talk or is angry or is crying — boy, that’s complex, and that requires a much more nuanced approach. Sometimes humor lends itself to nuance. But I would guess that often, in those kinds of nuanced situations, humor is a lot harder to pull off successfully.”