Worried your kids are acting entitled? Dr. Becky says this 1 simple shift can change everything
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“Entitlement is the accumulated experience of feeling frustrated and then having someone else give you immediate success.”
Am I the only mom who worries I’m raising entitled kids? (Hope not.)
When one of my 5 kids casually says, “Just buy another one on Amazon,” or asks, “Can we go to Starbucks again?” I wonder if, in my attempt to enjoy life for myself, I’ve made things too easy for them. I want them to appreciate what they have and develop resilience—but how do I actually teach that?
According to Good Inside parenting expert Dr Becky Kennedy, entitlement isn’t about being spoiled—it’s about a fear of frustration. And that one insight has completely shifted how I see this issue.
In a viral video, Dr. Becky breaks it down:
“Entitlement is the accumulated experience of feeling frustrated and then having someone else give you immediate success.”
She shares a powerful example from her private practice—a well-meaning family whose 16-year-old son had a full-blown meltdown in an airport lounge upon learning he wasn’t flying first class. At first glance, it’s easy to label this behavior as entitled. But Dr. Becky explains that this teen wasn’t necessarily a “bad kid” or raised by indulgent parents. Instead, he had developed a pattern:
Whenever he felt frustrated as a child, his parents worked quickly to remove the discomfort. Over time, this conditioned him to fear frustration—because he never had to sit with it, work through it, or develop the emotional skills to tolerate it.
By age 16, his ability to handle frustration wasn’t much different than it was at age two.
Related: Dr. Becky has 3 genius ways for parents to respond to rudeness and talking back
So, what’s the fix?
Dr. Becky emphasizes that the key to avoiding entitlement is helping kids tolerate frustration rather than rushing to remove it.
Instead of immediately fixing problems for our children, we can:
1. Acknowledge their feelings: “I see that you’re upset. This is really hard.”
2. Validate the struggle: “It makes sense that you’re frustrated.”
3. Resist the urge to jump in: Let them wrestle with the problem instead of solving it for them.
The goal isn’t to make kids suffer but to teach them that frustration is a normal part of life—and that they are capable of handling it. Over time, this builds resilience, confidence, and emotional regulation.
So, the next time my kids beg for a Starbucks run or assume we can just order another one, I’m trying to pause. Instead of immediately saying yes (or feeling guilty for saying no), I see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to help them sit with the disappointment, that no, we’re not going to Starbucks today, to appreciate what they already have, and to learn that they are strong enough to handle life not always going their way.
Because entitlement isn’t about getting what you want, it’s about never learning how to handle not getting what you want. And thanks to Dr. Becky, I’m starting to see how I can teach that lesson in small ways every day.
Related: Dr. Becky has a helpful breakfast hack that will save your sanity on busy mornings
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