Mom nails the ‘mental load’ of Christmas cards—because they really are a pain

For TikTok mom, @itsme_abbye, Christmas cards are officially a no-go. In fact, she’s only done them once—when her baby was born—and decided that was enough.

When her husband suggested they do Christmas cards this year, her response was simple (and iconic): “Sure, why don’t you do Christmas cards this year?”

In her now-viral TikTok video, she walked him through the massive checklist behind the seemingly simple task of sending out holiday cards. Spoiler alert: it’s a lot.

The hidden labor of sending holiday cards

She runs down the insane list of things that go along with “doing Christmas cards.”

• Source the photographer
• Find a date that aligns with your schedule and the photographer’s schedule
• Decide what clothing everyone should wear
• Pick a location
• Take the photos
• Pay the photographer
• Pick the edits
• Find a website to make the cards
• Pick the card and then choose which photos you’re going to put on the card
• Figure out what to say on the back of the card
• Get addresses for both sides of the family
• Buy the envelopes
• Stuff the envelopes
• Address each envelope
• By stamps for the cards
• Stamp the cards
• Take them to the post office

Her husband responded, “Huh.” She continued in her video, “Yeah, it’s not just Christmas cards is it?” 

The mental load of Christmas cards: Worth it or not?

For @itsme_abbye, the answer is clear: the mental load of Christmas cards isn’t worth it. “Anybody that I would send a Christmas card to I see regularly,” she explained. “If I don’t see you regularly, you’re not getting a Christmas card from me.”

There were mixed feelings in the comments about this mom’s observations. One said, “I appreciate NOT receiving Christmas cards, they end up in the trash.” Well there goes all that time, money, and mental energy into the garbage can.

Another said, “Christmas cards are my favvvvvvorite, I do them for MY joy, every other aspect of Christmas is for everyone else.”

“Nicole” shared that she loves the mental load of Christmas cards, and it’s her favorite project of the year.

And another viewer aptly pointed out that you don’t have to send cards with a photograph of your family, and that people used to do generic ones all the time.

What moms really think about holiday cards

We asked Motherly’s Instagram followers for their take on holiday cards, and the responses were eye-opening. While 66% of moms are busy sending them out, 34% are opting out because it’s just too much to juggle.

Here’s how moms feel about the tradition:

• 41% love it—holiday cards are a must for the season.
• 30% think it’s a hassle but do it anyway.
• 28% feel stressed but push through—because, tradition.

One mom summed it up perfectly: “Making sure I included everyone on the list. Trust me, we’ll hear about it if we miss someone!”

The real struggles behind holiday cards

The responses from our Instagram poll revealed what really makes holiday cards a challenge:

1. The Cost: The Real Grinch of the Season
   Nearly every mom agrees: the cost of holiday cards is the true Grinch of the season. From the price of the cards to postage and those perfect family photos, the price tag can add up quickly. As @jackiefdickerson simply puts it: “The cost 😅.”
   
2. The Photo Struggle is Real
   Getting everyone dressed, together, and looking at the camera is no small feat. As @kathleenie9 puts it: “Cost of getting a damn picture of everyone looking normal.” Picking the right photo can be just as challenging!
   
3. The Time Crunch
   From planning the shoot to designing and addressing the cards, the time commitment is massive. As @kam.brya shares, “Finding the time—pictures, designing, addressing…”
   
4. The Mental Load
   The mental load of keeping track of addresses can add a whole new layer of stress. @v__smitty nails it with “gathering all the addresses 🙄,” while @ashm15 humorously points out the anxiety of ensuring no one is left off the list: “Making sure I included everyone. We will hear about it if we do.”

The bottom line

Whether you’re a die-hard holiday card enthusiast or someone who skips the tradition entirely, one thing is certain: Christmas cards carry a massive mental load.

So, if you receive a holiday card this year, take a moment to appreciate the effort behind it. For some, it’s a labor of love. For others, it’s a relief to check it off the list.

To all the moms keeping this tradition alive, we see you. And to everyone else? It’s okay to say, “Not this year.”

Happy holidays!