Postpartum mom wonders if she’s wrong for refusing to see her body-shaming MIL

A postpartum mom is asking Reddit if she’s in the wrong for refusing to visit her mother-in-law, who fat-shamed her when she was just five months postpartum.

The 26-year-old new mom says she and her husband are “overjoyed” about their new arrival, and that her family has been helpful and supportive, coming over to help out and bring meals.

“My husband’s family is different from mine in a lot of ways,” she wrote. “They didn’t want to visit us and only wanted us to come to them (they live about 20 minutes away) and didn’t really care to offer much for support following the birth. We were fine with it and brought our baby over when we were able to – around 3 times a month.

But things took a turn when “After the first month, my MIL began commenting about how much she prioritized ‘losing the baby weight’ after she had her first baby. At first I didn’t think anything of it, I thought she was just voicing her experience as many people do when they are around babies.”

Nope. “She then started commenting on my babies chubby cheeks, and how similar they are to mine,” this new mom added.

“The final straw was when my husband was talking to her casually about my wanting to start going on runs again and how we were planning on making it work since our baby is very attached to me,” she wrote. “She very loudly said ‘you’re thinking about trying to run? Shouldn’t you start with walking?’ His whole family was in the room and looked at me waiting for my answer. I am an avid runner who only stopped due to my pregnancy, and her comment really hurt.”

That alone would be reason enough to cut off this mother-in-law. But this poor mom goes on to explain that she was only five months postpartum when it happened, and she has a history of recovering from an eating disorder, so comments like that about her body can be especially dangerous.

“I don’t want to see her anymore. She makes me feel like crap about myself and my husband is backing me up 100%,” she wrote. “His mom is angry because she thinks we are just keeping her grandchild away from her and believes it is unfair. He goes there without me but it is difficult to take our baby because she is exclusively breastfed and refuses bottles of any kind.”

Then she asks if she’s the a-hole. Um, not in a million years, and thank goodness people told her that.

The highest rated comment says, “NTA (not the a**hole). Commenting on the weight of someone who just had a baby is an incredible a**hole move, no one asked her.”

Another top comment adds, “It is completely your choice to avoid someone who makes you feel bad about your body. Her intentions are not relevant, and it doesn’t matter if her actions are small in the context of you having had and are managing your ED. She is being very selfish and inconsiderate.”

This one also sums things up well: “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of her own actions. You should tell her that her behavior reminds you of a toddler and see how she reacts to being compared to a baby.”

This mom is doing something perfectly healthy and acceptable: Setting a boundary. And we hope she keeps doing so to protect her peace and happiness for years to come.

A version of this post was published in May 2024. It has been updated.