New mom’s Reddit post about resenting her pets is met with empathy from fellow moms

When you have a new baby (especially your first one) a lot changes—and it’s completely normal to get overwhelmed by things that might have seemed normal and routine before becoming a parent. Things like household chores, cooking, doing laundry, and taking care of pets might have been part of your normal routine previously, but once you have a whole new human to take care of, they can feel insurmountable. One new mom posted to Reddit about not wanting her pets anymore after giving birth, and it’s sparked an eye-opening conversation.

“I used to hear families rehoming pets when they have children, and I wouldn’t have room to even hear them out. Now I envy them,” she wrote.

“I understand my hormones. I understand that I feel different about my dog and my cat then how I did before I got pregnant, because I got pregnant and gave birth. I understand that eventually, I’ll level back out hormonally and that I’ll probably go back to feeling how I did about domesticated animals,” she continued. “However, I do not care. My cat has become a monster since we’ve brought our son home, and we’re now two months into it. I understand that if my son does the same things when we eventually bring home a sibling, that I can’t and won’t want to re-home my first born, but I really don’t give a crap about that? I want him gone. The dog was my bf dog, and he wasn’t responsible when he first got him. No discipline, no indoor training. Nothing but blind stupid loyalty, that is subject to reconsideration at any given point.”

She added, “That dog became the bane of my existence during my pregnancy, and no matter the amount of patience I have with him, I still hate this dog now and I want him gone. I will never bring another animal into this home again; my children will just have to be upset. I can’t take it. My bf is a better person than me, he has the unconditional love for them. They’re staying because of him. I think about their respective death days a lot, with longing.”

At the end of her post, she said, “I lost my love for animals honestly; now I have a chill amount of hate for them(never abusing them but gtf away from me at all times even during meals). And no other mother I talk to seems to be on the same level of over it as me. Nobody wants to throw their pets away but me. I no longer see the kitten I adopted or the dog I met for the first time. I just see nasty, dirty, monsters who destroy my home and my son’s things.”

You can almost feel this poor mom’s stress yourself as you read her words.

In the comments, many other parents were empathetic.

“If you’re the only one responsible for caring for these animals and only see them as a burden, these feelings are understandable to some degree,” the top-voted comment read. But that commenter also brought up another point. “Your extreme hatred towards them suggests you may be experiencing postpartum rage and you can get treatment for that. It will improve your life all around.”

According to Cleveland Clinic, postpartum rage is a “mood disruption that causes intense anger, aggression and agitation in the weeks and months after you give birth.” Some studies show that it can coincide with conditions like postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. In the comments on this mom’s Reddit post, many other parents pointed out that her intense feelings toward her previously beloved animals might point toward postpartum rage.

“Gently, I would suggest that this level of hatred is… extreme and may be worth discussing with your doctor and/or therapist. PPD/PPA and other things can absolutely have non-typical presentation,” one commenter wrote.

Other commenters suggested having her partner step up and take full responsibility for the pets for awhile, like taking one to the dog park and asking the vet for suggestions on how to help both pets adapt.

“I was a hardcore animal lover (2 cats and 2 dogs) and after having my daughter it all became overwhelming,” another mom said. “I never wanted to rehome them, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t frustrated w picking up hairballs and stepping in cat spit. It got better after a year and I’m back to loving my furbabies. My daughter loves them also which is a plus! Hopefully it gets better for you.”

Another added, “Postpartum rage is real. I have always been a kind/gentle person until after I had my son. I would have terrible angry rage and something would just set me off. It got better after my son was about 18mo and it went away. But the rage is real.”

While no one can diagnose another person over the internet, the discussion is certainly worth having, and one to think about. Hormones cause all kinds of changes during pregnancy and after giving birth, but when it comes to extreme changes like this, it’s always a good idea to talk to your doctor.