Mom asks if she’s wrong for giving her newborn the same name as her friend’s stillborn baby

Sometimes the stories on Reddit’s “AITA” forum are pretty cut-and-dry. Other times, though, there’s more nuance to the situation the person posting outlines, like in this story from a mom-to-be who posted that she and her husband are expecting a little girl and just announced the name they already had picked out: Adelaide.

“I first heard of this name when I was a kid and thought it was beautiful, and decided that if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Adelaide,” she wrote. “After hearing this, one of my friends who I have been close with since we were at University, began acting distant towards us.”

The mom-to-be noted that pregnancy in general is a sore spot for this friend because she lost a baby to a stillbirth two years ago.

“I can’t even begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must have been for her and I made sure I supported her through this devastating loss,” she wrote. “Despite her trauma, she has never been anything less than kind and empathetic towards me, up until that day. A couple of weeks later, she confronted us, suggesting we change the name of our baby, to which we rebuffed. She kept on trying to convince us, suggesting different names, or saying that Adelaide was too old-fashioned or that it wouldn’t [sic] suite our child. We kept on denying to change her name, until eventually my friend started crying and revealed that Adelaide was the name she’d chosen for her stillborn baby.”

The mom concluded her post with some important context: “When she was pregnant, she refused to tell anyone her baby’s name, as she wanted it to be a surprise for when she was born. After the stillbirth, she decided she would keep the name to herself because it was personal to her, to which we understood. Until recently, no one knew what her baby was going to be called. She claims that, by keeping our name, we are disrespecting the memory of her baby. She said that if I chose the same name then my daughter would be a living reminder of what could have been. I completely understand her grief, but I believe I should have the right to name my own child without being burdened by someone else’s trauma.”

Oof. To be fair, there’s no way the mom writing this story could have known her friend’s chosen baby name — she kept the name a secret. But it’s still understandable that this is causing her friend some heartbreak.

And that’s pretty much how commenters on the post feel. This mom-to-be has every right to name her baby as she sees fit—but her friend is also grieving a terrible loss and has a right to her feelings, too.

“It’s your choice, but be prepared to lose your friend if you choose to go through with it,” the top comment reads.

Another highly rated comment adds, “No a–holes here. I would probably pick a different name.”

Another gives some more advice to the mom-to-be.

“This is difficult because you decided on the name because it was one you love and you didn’t choose it despite knowing about the stillborn baby’s name,” they write. “I would say take a look at the relationship you have with this person. Is it a relationship you value? Is it a relationship you have put work into and don’t want to lose? You will lose this relationship and maybe even some connecting relationships if you keep the name. Which sucks because now she is making that name entirely off-limits for anyone who knows her.. but her grief is still VERY VERY present and no you probably do not understand her grief.. you just recognize it’s there but that last sentence tells me you do not understand it.”

Do you think this mom is in the wrong?