Mom shares powerful refrain that helps both parents and kids with clingy drop-offs

There are few things more heartbreaking for a parent than leaving a child who’s not ready to go with another caregiver. It’s natural for young kids to feel separation anxiety during school or daycare drop off—they’re wired to use attachment as a literal means of survival—but that fact doesn’t make a clingy drop-off any less painful. 

Instagrammer and writer Abbey Wedgeworth (@abbeywedgeworth on Instagram) shared a powerful refrain she uses with her toddler during painful daycare drop offs.

“I just dropped off my almost three-year-old in the nursery and he’s screaming and having such a hard time,” she said in the reel. “So I give them the same speech and it really helps me too. 

I say, ‘Mommy would never leave you somewhere you weren’t…’ and they say, ‘Safe.’ And then I say, ‘And I would never leave you somewhere where you couldn’t have…’ and he says, ‘Fun.’”

She added: “So I say, ‘You are safe, and you can choose to have fun. I’m going to leave now but I would never leave you somewhere you weren’t safe or couldn’t have fun. So you choose to have fun and I can’t wait to hear about all the fun you had,’ and then I hand them to a worker and I walk out.’”

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A post shared by Abbey Wedgeworth (@abbeywedgeworth)

“Needed this! Struggling with my 2.5 year old who does not want to go to the nursery ever!” wrote one commenter.

While the intention is good, this exact wording may not work for everyone. One person noted in the comments why it didn’t work for them. “Sadly this backfired so badly for us because our kids would get hurt by another kid in nursery and not feel safe and that phrase quickly caused distrust because there wasn’t truth in it for them,” they wrote.

Wedgeworth addressed the comment and replied: “Oh my goodness. What a tragic experience. I am so sorry that that was the case for you. Discernment and discretion obviously play a huge role in the use of this phrase.”

This is just one way you can ease your child’s (and your own) separation anxiety. Instagrammer @nurturedfirst recently shared another method to feel connected to your kid even when you’re apart. She draws a heart on her kid’s hand and a heart on her hand, then tells her kid that no matter where they go she’ll be caring for them and that she’ll be looking at the heart all day and thinking of her child while they’re away.

There are many ways to ease the transition to daycare or school and what works for someone else’s family might not work for yours. What’s most important is ensuring your child that they are loved and they are safe.

A version of this story was originally published on Dec. 15, 2023. It has been updated.