Toddler mom asks if it’s ‘normal’ for husband to spend 12+ hours per week gaming

Welcoming children into the world undoubtedly means having less time for hobbies and leisure time activities, and that’s putting it mildly. But one mom is wondering how to approach the “never-ending battle about gaming” she’s having with her husband, with Reddit commenters offering the most valid and thoughtful responses in return. Basically, this mom says her husband plays video games all day—or at least to the point where it deeply impacts his level of parenting.

The original poster took to the platform to ask how often other gamer husbands get to play, sharing that the couple has a 17-month-old son and her husband plays on his Xbox roughly 1-2 hours a night, give or take. She says the routine sometimes changes depending on their baby’s sleep schedule, sharing that “there has only been a handful of nights in the past 17 months he didn’t play at all. Several times a month he also plays for an hour or so in the afternoon.”

“He’s absolutely convinced that it’s unfair that he doesn’t get more time to play,” she continues, adding, “I’m under the impression that most dads only get a few hours a week; he gets on average 12 hours of gaming a week.”

“Am I being unfair?” she asks. “Should I be making sure he has more time for games or is 12ish hours a week perfectly reasonable?”

In response to her questions, fellow parents chimed in with their thoughts, providing measured feedback to remind OP she is equally deserving of free time to pursue the activities she enjoys as well.

“The question you need to be asking is: Do we both get equal downtime to do whatever the fuck we want,” wrote one dad, advising OP to “refocus it on equal downtime between the two of you.”

“Nothing else matters. Not what other dads do, not what other people do, all of that is noise,” he added. “The only thing that matters in this discussion is whether or not you both get equal downtime between the two of you. Once you settle that, how he chooses to spend that downtime is entirely up to him and not in any way shape or form up to you.”

Some (rightly!) pointed out that downtime when baby is sleeping should mean actual downtime, in case OP is using the time for housework while her husband gets to enjoy his time spent gaming. “Focusing on game time is a mistake,” wrote one person. “You need to identify the workload and split it evenly. If one of you gets a free moment, then game away. But you should also carve out ‘couple time’ too.”

Others suggested scheduling alternate nights, where one parent is responsible for tending to baby’s needs, no matter what, giving the other parent a true break in the action.

Striking a true balance in parenthood takes constant fine-tuning and communication, especially as moms shoulder burdens big and small far too often. Here’s hoping OP can find a setup that works for both of them individually and as a couple—it’s not easy by any stretch, but she deserves as much free time as possible, too.