Mom wonders how to tell son they’re ‘broke’ without ‘traumatizing’ him—and it’s heartbreaking

Times are tough for so many families these days, exacerbating widespread issues like food insecurity that leaves millions of families choosing between groceries and other bills, despite the fact that the U.S. has more than enough resources to ensure that no American ever has to go hungry.

One mom asks Reddit wondering how to explain to her five-year-old son that she and her husband are “broke” without “traumatizing” him, and the responses she received are both practical and heartfelt.

“We’re broke,” she began. “Money’s tight. My son has been asking to bring lunch to school.” It seems that at her son’s school, children who bring their food are able to eat first, but the couple “don’t really have the money to send a lunch box.”

How do you explain to a 5 year old that you’re broke without traumatizing them?
byu/Spirited-Activity343 inNoStupidQuestions

She explained that her child’s school provides free breakfast and lunch, adding, “We make sure he has enough food. He eats before me or my husband. We’ve also been making lots of food from scratch,” but sometimes her son is “upset” because he would like fun foods like chicken nuggets, pizza, and muffins, even though those are out of the budget right now. She wants to include him in grocery shopping, but doesn’t know how to explain that the family can’t afford certain items.

“I don’t want to traumatize him with the truth that we can’t afford it,” she said, “but I need him to know he’ll always be fed even if it’s not exactly what he wants.”

The post quickly racked up thousands of comments, with plenty offering sage advice for how to navigate this tricky—and heartbreaking—conversation.

Many commenters noted that even children as young as 5 can understand that some foods are “special treats” that aren’t always eaten every day. “I grew up with a single mom working multiple jobs to support me and my sister,” shared one person. “At a young age I understood that things are wants and should be treated as special when given if it’s not a need.”

“We were pretty poor when I was little,” added another user. “We were never short on food, but my parents never bought ‘fun’ food. And we didn’t have any of the fad items/toys like video games, tamagotchis, Walkman, scooters, roller blades, etc. Anytime we asked, my parents would just matter-of-factly say ‘that’s too expensive.’ And I don’t really remember ever questioning that.” This person noted that in middle school, they were taught to save their modest allowance by putting half into a savings account, “only to be used for well thought-out ‘big’ purchases.”

“They coached us on saving up and paying attention to how long it took to save, and helped us consider the pros and cons of digging into our savings accounts for those ‘big”’purchases,” they wrote. “I don’t think they ever blocked us from just blowing all our savings on something stupid, but we never did because of all the guidance they gave us. It’s a really valuable life lesson that started with me wondering why we never got to have Happy Meals at McDonald’s.”

Overall, it seems the general consensus is to be honest with little ones—concrete reasoning instead of excuses helps them understand why something might be out of reach, instead of leaving them confused or unsure. Others recommended making grocery shopping fun by having the child be “in charge” of the grocery list, offering age-appropriate mini lessons about budgeting along the way. As one person perfectly summed it up: “It’s the opposite of trauma to teach a kid to budget money and resources. It’s how our babies turn into confident adults.”

The original poster returned to thank people for their helpful and supportive feedback. Here’s hoping that brighter days are ahead for this family, and all others who have to choose between feeding their families and other expenses, because it should absolutely never have to be this way.