Mom-to-be shares heartwrenching decision about naming her baby after her late nephew

Many families have baby name traditions that are both normal and expected. What happens, though, when you’re the one who wants to break with the family baby name tradition? One mama-to-be is opening up in a Reddit forum, asking users their opinion on her current conundrum. And honestly, the whole situation is more than a little heartbreaking.

“My family have always had this tradition where the first child born after the loss of someone in the family gets the late family member’s name as their middle name,” the original poster (OP) begins. She says she and her sister both have middle names that follow this family baby name tradition.

AITA for ending a family naming tradition by not giving my son my late nephew’s name as his middle name even though my sister has said she wants me to?
byu/TechnicianFearless56 inAmItheAsshole

“Almost a year ago my sister lost her 2-day-old son, Philip. He was the last family member we lost and it was a huge, earth-shattering blow for our family,” she writes. “I found out I was pregnant a few months ago. I waited a while to tell anyone and my sister was the first person we told, privately. When I told her she said it would be nice to have some positive news to focus on and she wanted me to continue the tradition our family keeps and give my baby, if a boy, the middle name Philip. She was so happy about the idea. It surprised me a lot. I would have figured she would not be okay with it. But she wanted it.”

The OP says the problem is that she and her husband don’t want to continue with the name tradition. The name itself isn’t one they would choose themselves, and they know they’re expecting a boy. Her family does expect them to name their baby after her nephew, however. Which is why she hasn’t shared the sex of her baby with anyone just yet.

“My family were saying how amazing it will be if my baby is a boy and Philip’s name can be carried on…I suggested they wait until we announce the sex and the name before jumping to conclusions,” she explains. “They asked why and I said we were thinking of not continuing with the tradition. My family, and by that I mean my parents mostly, were really upset. My sister was the worst though. She asked why I wouldn’t want to honor Philip and why it was him the tradition was getting broken on. She asked if I saw him as meaning so little and I said no, of course not”. Then she asked if it was his name and we didn’t like it. She said she really hoped it wasn’t that. I said we just didn’t feel like the tradition was something we wanted to continue.”

The decision not to continue the family baby name tradition has, expectedly, brought forth many hurt and negative feelings—especially with OP’s parents and sister.

“I feel terrible. She’s so angry at me and my parents are unhappy as well. My husband hates them for putting this pressure on us. He said we should be allowed to name our son what we want and we should not be obliged to use a certain name. I never wanted to be an a**h*** but my family believes I am.”

Many Redditors came through for OP in the comments section of the AITA forum post, however.

Comment
byu/TechnicianFearless56 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

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byu/TechnicianFearless56 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

Comment
byu/TechnicianFearless56 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

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byu/TechnicianFearless56 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

A lot of people didn’t blame OP for her decision—it’s her child, after all. But others also felt empathetic toward her grieving sister.

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byu/TechnicianFearless56 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

Others suggested using two middle names—a not uncommon thing to do!

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byu/TechnicianFearless56 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

Either way, it’s a very difficult situation to be in—no matter how you proceed, someone is either unhappy or deeply hurt. Both sides of this equation deserve empathy, no doubt. What do you think OP should do?