Dr. Becky has 3 genius ways for parents to respond to rudeness and talking back

Even the best-behaved kid on Earth will talk back or be rude sometimes. But that doesn’t make it any easier for parents to respond. Clinical psychology and Good Inside founder and CEO Dr. Becky Kennedy just made a super helpful video that has gone viral because of how on-point it is for helping parents respond to their kids when they lash out that way. We’ll be bookmarking this one — and maybe practicing these responses in the mirror for good measure.

“Parents: No matter how old your kid is, you need to know these three lines for responding to rudeness and talking back. These will help you de-escalate the situation, and immediately set you on the path for a positive interaction with your kid,” Dr. Becky says at the start of her video.

Then, she launches into the three lines. The first one is, “I hear you, and you must be really upset to say something like that to me.”

The second is, “Look, all I’m saying is I know you’re a good kid, even when you say some not so good things.”

And the third is, “I know there’s another way you can say that to me. Do you want to try again?”

After giving all three lines, Dr. Becky adds a little more context.

“Now, I know what you might be thinking: ‘Am I just kind of permitting this rudeness?'” she says. “No! You are acting like an adult.” 

She continues, “You are not being pulled into a power struggle or rudeness escalation. Yes, it might feel good in the moment to say something like, ‘You can’t talk to me like that, you’re so disrespectful, no iPad tonight!’ But we know if we give rudeness back to our kid, they are just going to give more rudeness back to us. That is so ineffective and we have to be the adult. So try one of those lines and let me know how it goes.”

In the caption, she added even more information.

“You ask your child to do something and are immediately met with ‘I’m NOT doing that!’ or ‘You’re the worst!’ or maybe even an eye roll… we’ve all been there. Here’s the thing, when our kids are in a rudeness stage, we need to prioritize connecting when things are calm, outside of a tough moment. Our kids are more likely to cooperate when they feel seen, heard, and respected by their parents,” she wrote. “I know this can be hard. I’ve been there. And I know it’s the key to turning things around in your home.”