This AITA dad wants to know if he’s wrong for not paying for his daughter’s wedding

Though they represent a joyous union of two people, weddings often bring up unexpected scenarios that few are prepared to deal with. One such sticky situation involves money, as one Reddit dad is experiencing during the planning of his daughter’s wedding. He took to Reddit to ask “AITA” for not wanting to pay for his daughter’s dream of a destination wedding 9,000 miles away, calling the affair a “pointless showing of wealth.”

In the post, he explained that his daughter is asking for “around 200k” to plan a wedding in New Zealand, which would have guests traveling from New York to New Zealand. “My wife feels I should do it because we can afford it, but I find it to be a pointless showing of wealth,” he wrote. “Now my daughter is not talking to me, nor is my wife.”

It seems he’s concerned that the move will “alienate family members,” with the expected budget “not counting what guests would have to pay to come.” The post racked up more than 4,000 comments, with the consensus being that he is, in fact, not in the wrong for not wanting to spend such a large sum of money on a celebration that would require guests to travel so far from home, even though he did admit that he could afford the expense.

“If she can’t pay for a destination wedding on her own, then she shouldn’t be having a destination wedding,” wrote one commenter. “It seems cruel but it’s true. Not to mention there’s so much more money involved with the flights and the hotels and stuff. Is she going to be paying for her own ticket or are you expected to fork out for them too? And her fiancées ticket.”

“Establish the amount of $$ you are willing to provide and give her the budget,” suggested another. “Tell her anything above that is on her and her fiance. Make sure to tell her if that includes travel, etc for the bridal couple and family members. If she wants a blow out wedding, she can pay for it.”

“This is the best idea,” agreed one user. “I did a stint as a wedding coordinator years ago and realized how ridiculous people can be about one day. And I understand it is obviously an important day, but there has to be some reality of the expense of things. Present her with an amount you will provide towards her day and let her work with that. And unless she is planning on paying expenses for all her guests’ flights, rooms, etc, a destination wedding is typically too much of an ask for most people. A wedding at home and a luxurious honeymoon in New Zealand makes more sense.”

Others mentioned that it seems too pricey to spend so much on one day, and that it seems out of line for both his daughter and wife to demand that sort of money, especially if it’s not even inclusive of all expected expenses. A person from New Zealand even chimed in, writing, “As someone who lives in NZ, I can honestly say that this $200,000 budget will absolutely skyrocket. Everything is expensive in NZ. Food, accommodation, domestic flights, gas, it will all be MUCH more expensive than even your daughter can imagine. And as soon as you say the word “wedding”, costs increase at venues, with caterers, with accommodation. Dude, stand your ground. It sounds like your daughter and wife think they can sulk until you give in. DON’T give in.”

The original poster later added some follow-up information after seeing responses, adding, “Before anything else, I know I am not the father of the year, and I am a spineless coward.”

He shared that he planned to make calls to local wedding venues to price out what a wedding of 100 to 200 people might cost, adding, “After I get that information I will use that to make an informed choice, but it will be an either or situation. Because they are playing this game I will tell both of them (my wife and daughter) that it is a wedding or house.”

Here’s hoping that he’s able to stand his ground and find a solution that makes everyone happy without spending beyond his means, however lavish they might be.