It’s that time of year again—the struggle with after-school restraint collapse is real

After a relaxing, playful summer where your family likely had less of a strict routine and more of a “sure, you can stay up until 10 and binge everything on Disney+” vibe, getting back into the swing of things is hard for everyone. So now that it’s back to school season, this viral TikTok is here to remind us all about the dreaded “after school restraint collapse.” Because it’s real, and it’s hard.

Mom and child therapist Lindsay Adams recently shared an excellent, informative video full of explanations and tips about after school restraint collapse. This is what happens to many kids when they’re holding in their emotions and feelings all day at school while trying to pay attention to the onslaught of new, overwhelming information, and then let it all out when they get home. This is especially important to remember for neurodivergent kids, as Adams says “masking” all day is particularly difficult for them.

“They come home, they take off their backpack, and all their big feelings fall out of it,” Adams explains. “Maybe they fight with their siblings, maybe they’re irritable with you, maybe they’re just tired, maybe they are emotional. Here are some things you can do.”

Last year was the first year my oldest was in school for a full day and was also involved in two different sports. I vividly remember September being the most exhausting, stressful, emotional month for our whole family—but particularly my child. She’d pass out in bed by 8 p.m. after having many Big Feelings throughout the evening. She was balancing 8 hours of school, two different sports practices, homework—all for the first time at just six years old. That’s A LOT. So this year, we cut back to just one sport. And now we all know what to expect.

“Plan for the transition,” Adams suggests. “Know what they struggle with at that time of day and set them up for success. Structure their day in a way that allows them to do a calming or coping activity right when they get home or do a physical activity right when they get home.”

For my daughter, this means a snack and a book or some iPad time. I know I like to unwind and decompress with a book, a TV show, or by mindlessly scrolling through my phone while getting cozy on the couch—so I understand why she might need these things too.

My youngest, however, is more of a “let’s dance it out” kind of kid when she’s feeling things. Adams says physical activity is important in the battle against after school restraint collapse, too.

“It could even be just going outside and hanging out outside, doing chalk, doing something creative. Really the things you wanna focus on are creativity, sensory stuff, and physical activity.”

Good luck, mamas—and know that as always, you’re not alone!