Only 1/4 of teens feel their social and emotional needs are being met, according to new study

To say that parenting teenagers is no picnic is a serious understatement, but ensuring that your teen truly feels cared for, heard, and seen is a herculean task for any parent. According to a new study, only about a quarter of teens feel they always get the social and emotional support they need, but there’s a huge gap in their parents’ perception about it.

In 2021 and 2022, researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)’s National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) surveyed 1,200 children between the ages of 12 and 17 along with their parents, with teens answering questions online and their parents answering questions with a live interviewer. Respondents came from different demographics, including race and ethnicity, sex and gender, highest parental education level, and family income level.

Roughly 28% of teens reported that they always feel they receive the social and emotional support they need, while 93% of parents believe their kids usually or always feel supported. Even more stark: 20% of kids reported rarely or never feeling supported, with only 3% of parents reporting the same for their own kids.

The study’s authors note the results suggest “a systematic bias where parents consistently report higher levels of social and emotional support compared with their teenager’s perception, and in doing so may underestimate their teenager’s perceived need for social and emotional support.”

These results serve to highlight the ongoing youth mental health crisis that was only further exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, the time period during which these surveys were conducted. The pandemic laid bare the many systemic inequities faced by so many Americans—especially among the most vulnerable and/or marginalized communities—and the ripple effects continue, with record-high levels of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and other serious mental health concerns among U.S. youths.

So what can parents do to provide adequate support for their teens, especially if they “seem fine” or are reluctant to reach out for help?

First and foremost, providing a safe zone free of judgment or shame is crucial at all times—approaching them with curiosity and calmness instead of hostility is of utmost importance. Listening and asking questions, oftentimes without jumping in or offering feedback, affords your child space to share their thoughts and feelings without worry.

Some phrases you might try:

• “How can I best support you right now?”
• “That sounds really difficult. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
• “I can only imagine how that feels.”
• “I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. What can I do to support you?”

Teens might not always be open to conversation, in which case you can provide them with other resources—say, a therapist or trusted teacher—if they’d prefer to talk to someone else about what they’re going through.

Paying close attention to your teen’s physical and emotional well-being is key. Some signs to look out for:

• Mood changes, especially increased sadness or irritability
• A loss of interest or motivation in things they typically enjoy
• Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
• Increased social withdrawal
• Negative self-talk

Supporting teens is a 24/7/365 job, so reaching out to a therapist can help you navigate this tricky time period as well. Removing the stigma—and the shroud of silence—around mental health is the only way to ensure that your teen does not have to struggle alone, no matter what they might be experiencing.