Uncle declines to accept invitation to be ‘godfather’

Godparenting is one of those timeless traditions that comes with deep meaning—and, as one Redditor recently discovered, plenty of drama. A new uncle shared his story on Reddit AITA about being asked to be the godfather to his niece, a role tied to both family legacy and, sometimes, the unspoken “what ifs” of parenting. While he was honored by the request, the situation got sticky fast: His wife wasn’t asked to be the godmother. Cue hurt feelings, family tension, and some big decisions about boundaries and fairness.

Here’s the story: At a Christmas gathering, this uncle (let’s call him Dan) was presented with a thoughtful, public invitation to be his niece’s godfather. But it became immediately clear that his wife wasn’t also in the plans—his sister intended to ask her best friend to be the godmother.

This was awkward for two reasons: First, in their family and community tradition, godparents are often a husband-and-wife duo who step in as guardians if something happens to the parents. Second, Dan’s sister and his wife have a rocky relationship, and the exclusion felt personal.

Dan at first took a measured approach: He asked for time to think about it. Over the following days, he considered his wife’s feelings (hurt) and his own discomfort with breaking family tradition. Ultimately, he decided to politely decline the role. Now, he’s dealing with the fallout. His sister is upset, his family is divided, and he’s wondering: Am I the *******?  

First off, Dan’s feelings are valid. Marriage is a partnership, and while godparenting may not carry the same practical responsibilities it once did, it’s still a symbolic role that often honors the unity of the couple. By excluding his wife, his sister’s request inadvertently placed him in a difficult position. It’s also understandable that Dan felt his sister’s choice was divisive, especially given her strained relationship with his wife.

On the flip side, being a godparent is a profound honor. Dan’s sister may not have intended to create conflict—she could have genuinely wanted to include her best friend as a gesture of gratitude. But good intentions don’t always land the way we hope, and in this case, the gesture came off as exclusionary to Dan’s wife, further straining an already tense family dynamic. 

Related: Mom refuses grandparents’ help after they take baby without permission—Reddit reacts

Setting boundaries with compassion

So, was Dan wrong to decline? Not at all. What stands out is that he handled the situation with respect. He took time to think, avoided making a decision in the heat of the moment, and ultimately communicated his feelings privately. Boundaries, especially in families, are tough to set—but they’re necessary for maintaining healthy relationships.

For anyone navigating similar situations, here are some takeaways:

• Marriage Is a Team Sport. Decisions that affect both partners should honor the partnership. It’s okay to prioritize your spouse’s feelings in situations like these.
• Honesty Matters. Expressing your feelings respectfully is key, even when it’s uncomfortable. Dan’s approach of addressing the issue privately showed maturity and consideration.
• Tradition Isn’t Just Symbolic. Family customs often carry emotional weight. If breaking tradition doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to voice that.  

For Dan, the hard part isn’t over. Family dynamics take time and effort to repair, and his decision will likely be a sore spot for a while. But this is also an opportunity to rebuild relationships with open communication. It could start with a heartfelt conversation with his sister: “I want to explain why I made this decision—it wasn’t about rejecting you or my niece, but about wanting to honor the traditions and relationships that matter to me.”

Related: Mom asks if she’s wrong for lying to MIL about baby’s sex in viral Reddit AITA post

As for the future? Parenting, partnering, and navigating family traditions are rarely perfect. What matters most is moving forward with kindness, understanding, and the willingness to grow together—even when things get messy. Because in the end, it’s not about who’s right or wrong—it’s about finding a way to honor family—family of origin, family you create, as you grow together.