Mom moves her family for career, in-laws explode—call her ‘selfish for taking their grandchild away’

Reddit loves a good drama, and this one has the internet buzzing. A woman posted on Reddit AITAH after her decision to move her family closer to her job caused an explosion of guilt trips and accusations from her in-laws. Why the backlash? She’s the breadwinner—and she dared to say that her financial contributions gave her the final say. Cue the controversy.

Here’s the situation: She’s an engineer, paying the lion’s share of the bills, managing childcare, and commuting over an hour with a toddler in the backseat. Her husband works at a call center, and makes less money. 

When they moved closer to her job, her in-laws lost it, calling her “selfish” for taking their son and grandchild further away. Her reasoning was simple: She earns more, so living closer to her work just makes sense.

AITAH for telling my husband’s family that I make more money, therefore where we live is my decision?
byu/Art_Vandelay_______ inAITAH

What’s really going on here? 

This isn’t just about mileage. It’s about gender roles, power dynamics, and the impossible expectations women still face. If the breadwinner in this story were a man, would anyone blink? Probably not. But when women take the reins, they’re often labeled bossy or selfish.

The plot twist: Despite being the family’s financial backbone, she’s still expected to tiptoe around her in-laws’ feelings. They promised to help with childcare when she lived closer but couldn’t be relied upon when they were 15 minutes away. It’s a struggle too many moms know all too well. Childcare is always so complex, especially when family is involved.

Related: Mom asks if she’s wrong for lying to MIL about baby’s sex in viral Reddit AITA post

Why it’s blowing up

This post is more than family drama—it’s a front-row seat to how modern motherhood is flipping the script. Women are stepping into breadwinner roles at record levels, but societal norms haven’t kept up. The old playbook says women should quietly prioritize everyone else’s needs, no matter the cost. This new generation? Not so much.

What Reddit thinks

The comments are a mix of cheers and jeers. Supporters are all about her standing her ground and calling out empty promises. 

• @Same_Employment_2457: “You made a decision that prioritizes your family’s well-being, including your sanity and ability to balance work and childcare. If you’re the primary financial provider and handling the majority of the logistical responsibilities, it’s only fair that your needs and convenience are considered.”
• @McflyThrowaway01: “Tell your husband that he needs to explain to his parents that they are out of line and that if they ever talk to you like that again, they won’t ever see their grandchild.”
• @Bis_K: “Men pull the provider card all the time—why is it only a problem when a woman does it?”

Others argued that she could have framed it differently:

• @EpiphanySunday: “Don’t make this about money, it’s not. You could be earning less than your husband and it would still be a sound decision.”
• @Distinct-Bread7077: “It’s more about ‘I’m working full-time, I’m doing drop-offs and pick-ups, this just didn’t work out for me.’ There was no need to bring money into it.”
• @Ravenous_One: “As someone who gave up my career to stay home with the kids while my ex got her PhD, this dynamic feels controlling. A marriage shouldn’t be about percentages.”

And then there’s her husband, who many say should have taken the lead:

• @Whydoweneedthiscrap: “Your husband should have shut this down immediately. Why is he okay with his family harassing you?”
• @AROC85: “This communication is your husband’s job. Sure, you can be part of it, but it’s his family giving you crap—he needs to stand up for your joint decision.”
• @Equal-Brilliant2640: “You have a husband problem. He should be the one telling his mother to zip it, or risk never seeing you guys again.”

 (We have to agree—asking your partner when possible to mitigate situations with their side of the family tends to simplify family dynamics.)

Related: Mom refuses grandparents’ help after they take baby without permission—Reddit reacts

The bigger picture

 This isn’t just her story—it’s ours. It’s about rewriting what leadership and decision-making look like in families today. Women shouldn’t have to apologize for success, shoulder extra guilt, or tiptoe around outdated expectations. Whether it’s deciding where to live or how to split the bills, we’re done pretending that “tradition” trumps fairness.

Women deserve to be the authors of their own stories, and to prioritize their careers and wellbeing when they decide it makes sense. It’s not easy being a changemaker generation, but someone’s gotta do it.