Viral TikTok reminds us that our family isn’t entitled to a relationship with our kids

Thanks to the accessibility of various parenting styles and tips on social media these days, there’s no shortage of solid parenting advice. In a recent viral TikTok, one mom is reminding parents everywhere that no one is actually entitled to a relationship with your kids—not even your family.

Let’s back up a second. In an earlier video, TikTok mom @Gianna_Valenti talked about breaking toxic family cycles and how important it is to set boundaries with problematic family members when it comes to your kids. She received a lot of support from other moms, so she expanded on her approach in the now-viral video.

Related: Mom goes viral on TikTok for saying ‘kids don’t owe their parents anything’

“I’m going to say something that will stir the pot, and I don’t care because I wholeheartedly believe in it,” she begins in the video. “If you do not have a strong, stable, happy, loving, genuine relationship with someone in your family and your in-laws’ family, then there’s no reason they need to have a relationship with your child.”

@gianna_valenti Reply to @alixandstephen just a reminder ❤️ #fyp #foryou #momsoftiktok #momtok #anxiousmom #boundaries #toxicfamily ♬ original sound – Gianna

As a mom who is the first to break generational cycles of toxicity and abuse in my own family, I felt this sentiment deeply. I’ve been in therapy off and on for 18 years, so my coping skills and ability to set boundaries are pretty stellar (if I do say so myself). Being able to implement the boundaries I need to has done wonders for my mental health.

I look at it like this: Access to your life and your family is a privilege, not a right. No one is entitled to that access. People—family included—have to earn it. And if they can’t do that, you reserve the right to revoke it anytime you feel your peace is being jeopardized. I abide by the personal motto of “protect your peace always.” Because having a toxic family member in your life is absolutely not better than not having them in your life at all.

I’m the gatekeeper of my children’s relationships at this stage in their lives, and if you can’t respect me (or their father), why would I trust you to respect my kids?

Related: This mom’s viral TikTok perfectly sums up ‘default parent resentment’—and yes, it’s REAL

Many people supported this notion in the comments section of the viral TikTok, too.

Gianna put it best at the end of her video: “If you can’t trust someone with your own heart, why would you trust them with your kids?”

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