Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers nail what it’s like to have an eldest daughter

Parents of girls (especially eldest daughters, but really any parents of girls) — this one is for you.

Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers, both dads to daughters, recently had a candid conversation about the differences between their daughters and their sons. And to anyone who’s raised kids of both sexes, this is going to be relatable.

“You’re a father. I’m a father,” Colbert said to Meyers at the start of the segment.

@colbertlateshow Seth Meyers and Stephen compare notes on having sons vs. daughters. #Colbert ♬ original sound – colbertlateshow

Meyers confirmed, “I am!” before noting that he’s a dad to three kids.

Colbert, with his signature dry humor, joked, “Three’s perfect! Above the replacement rate.”

Colbert is also a dad of three. He has two girls and a boy, in that order. Meyers did it the other way around: Two boys and a girl, in that order.

Meyers asked Colbert, “I have a question, based on my experiences with boy, boy, girl: You had a girl first. When you had your boys, did you think, ‘Oh my God, what’s wrong with them?'”

After hearing that question, Colbert got a pained look on his face and nodded his head.

“I still think that,” he joked, to laughter from the studio audience.

Colbert continued, “No, because she came out almost like, complete. Like, she came out with a library card. She was organized. Evie [my wife] and I are both youngest, and she’s an eldest, and therefore, we just do whatever she says. We have no chance against her. The nice thing about the girl being first, in my opinion, is, because they’re more organized, they know what they’re doing, they’ve just got their ducks in a row the way the boys almost never do. If we just want something to happen with the family, all we have to do is convince her.“

Yep. Anyone who has (or is) an eldest daughter knows how absolutely true that is. But daughters of any age have the instincts to rule the roost, as Meyers quickly confirmed. His daughter, his youngest child, is only two and a half, while his boys are eight and six. 

“She’s the youngest but she’s just lapping them already,” he said. “I mean, it’s nonsense.”

Meyers ended the segment with a hilarious story about the differences between his toddler daughter and his school aged sons.

“The other morning, I’m feeding the eight-year-old breakfast — oatmeal — and my wife’s feeding the six-year-old oatmeal,” he said. “And the two-and-a-half year old is just eating oatmeal. And we’re talking to the boys — we’re like, ‘You’re just good with this?’ We’re like, ‘You’re just watching this happen and you’re fine with how this looks?'”

Sounds about right.