Selena Gomez seeks parenting advice from Mariska Hargitay ‘as someone who desires to be a mother’

Selena Gomez has been candid about her “desires to be a mother,” recently sharing that her chronic health issues make her unable to carry her own children. Now, she’s asking her pal Mariska Hargitay about how she balances her busy acting career with raising three children, and Hargitay’s response is both real and refreshing.

The famous duo recently sat down to chat for Interview magazine, when Gomez asked about her life juggling her long-term role (25 years!) playing detective Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU, while also raising her 17-year-old son August, her 12-year-old son Andrew, and 12-year-old daughter Amaya, whom she shares with her husband, actor Peter Hermann.

“I wanted to ask a personal question, as someone who desires to be a mother,” Gomez began. “How does balancing things—because I remember I went to go pick up your kids from school one day, and I loved that. That felt so normal and real. How do you balance that? Because one day I hope to do that.”

Hargitay offered both reassurance and some sage wisdom to Gomez, responding, “And you will. For all working moms, it’s hard,” she admitted.

“There’s been so many times where I’m torn or frustrated because in our jobs, you can’t say, ‘Guys, I’m not coming in today,’” she continued. “But I’ve integrated them here. My kids come to work with me. Are there things I miss? Yeah. The flip side is that my kids are really proud of me. I talk to them a lot about, what kind of life do you want, and who do you want to be, and how do you want to spend your time? And what do you want to give back and who do you want to affect and what do you want to create?”

“And so I look at it now and think, yes, I missed stuff,” she added. “There were days where the nanny did a little extra, and that was hard. But I brought August to work with me every day for the first year. And you can, too. It’s doable. I am happier and living a fuller life, and they feel that and see that. And when I’m with them, I’m with them.”

It’s always nice to hear when famous moms give credit to the helpers in their lives that make raising kids a little more manageable, although not every parent is able to integrate parenthood and career in the same way that Hargitay has been able to. That said, props to her for figuring out a way to make it all work and for sharing her goals and dreams with her kids along the way.

Gomez recently told Vanity Fair that she “had to grieve” learning that she cannot carry her own children. “I haven’t ever said this but I unfortunately can’t carry my own children,” she told the magazine. “I have a lot of medical issues that would put my life and the baby’s in jeopardy. That was something I had to grieve for a while.”

The singer has been open about her struggle with lupus, a chronic autoimmune disease, since revealing her diagnosis back in 2015. In April 2020, she also shared her diagnosis with bipolar disorder, telling pal Miley Cyrus on Instagram Live that she was in a “much better place” amid her diagnoses and her future as a parent.

“I find it a blessing that there are wonderful people willing to do surrogacy or adoption, which are both huge possibilities for me,” she said at the time. “It made me really thankful for the other outlets for people who are dying to be moms. I’m one of those people. I’m excited for what that journey will look like, but it’ll look a little different. At the end of the day, I don’t care. It’ll be mine. It’ll be my baby.”