Jessie J talks about miscarriage for the first time: ‘I’ve never felt so lonely in my life’

Last fall, Jessie J shared the heartbreaking news of her pregnancy loss on Instagram. In a new podcast interview, she’s opening up about the details of her miscarriage for the first time.

On the May 2 episode of Steven Bartlett’s podcast, “The Diary of a CEO,” Jessie described her experience as “the most honest, raw, emotional, candid, vulnerable conversation” she’s ever had publicly.

She said she woke up one morning early in her pregnancy and felt like something was wrong. “I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t feel right.'”

She said she still had morning sickness, but just had a feeling that something wasn’t the same. So she got in touch with a doctor the same day for an ultrasound. As it was being performed, Jessie remembers clearly what it was like.

“[There was] that dreadful silence when you first have a scan and they kind of don’t say anything,” she says. “I was like, ‘Just tell me the truth. What’s going on?'”

The doctor told her that her baby’s heartbeat was low, and there were indications that the baby had some type of birth defect. Jessie sought a second opinion later that same day, and learned the unfortunate news of her pregnancy loss.

Related: Jessie J reveals pregnancy loss after deciding to ‘have a baby on my own’

“He did another scan and he said, ‘I’m really sorry there’s no heartbeat,'” Jessie said about the second doctor. “That was within three, four hours of the first one.”

She says she left the doctor’s office and just focused on the show she was scheduled to perform the next day, wondering how she’d be able to get through it.

“I remember just going [home] and not processing it,” she said. “And then the next day I went straight into glam, I did the soundcheck. I did the show.” 

Jessie shared the news of her miscarriage with fans on November 24, 2021, which was the day of her performance. She said she had decided to have the baby on her own, without a partner, and that she wanted to share the news of her loss so others who have suffered the same didn’t feel alone.

About 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the Mayo Clinic. Most miscarriages occur because the fetus isn’t developing as it should. And while it’s a fairly common experience among pregnant people, it can still feel traumatic for those who experience it. Talking about pregnancy loss publicly, like Jessie is doing, helps fight the stigma surrounding miscarriage. It’s important to remember that it’s a shared heartbreak, and no one is alone in it.

Related: What I want you to know about Mother’s Day after miscarriage

“When I got in the car after the show by myself, and I got home, and I opened my front door, and I closed the door, I fell to my knees,” she said during the podcast interview. “That was the worst moment of the whole experience, me realizing that, other than my career, being a mother and having a child has been the biggest excitement of my life.”

Jessie says she’s always felt maternal and knew she’d want children someday.

“I felt like I’d been given everything I’d ever wanted and then someone had gone, ‘But you can’t have it’,” she described. “When I got home that night and I lay there, I’ve never felt so lonely in my life…I just remember laying there, knowing it was still there, but it wasn’t there.”

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