Erin Napier says she went through a ‘period of grieving’ before the birth of her second baby

Pregnancy comes with a rollercoaster of emotions, whether it’s your first baby or your fifth. But that transition from one child to two is, arguably, difficult for many reasons—especially in terms of emotions. Erin Napier, star of HGTV’s hit show Home Town, is opening up about the ‘period of grieving’ she endured when she was pregnant with her second daughter.

In an interview with Today Parents, Erin Napier says she and her husband, Ben, had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that their family of three would no longer exist in the same way. Their oldest daughter, Helen, is now four years old.

“I was just grieving our time as a family of three and thinking, ‘It will never be like this again,’ ” she explained.

Honestly, that feeling is probably one of the most universal parts of the parenthood experience when shifting from parenting one child to adding another child to the family. I vividly remember the tug-of-war in my heart during my pregnancy with my younger daughter—I was overjoyed to be pregnant with her, but I also experienced feelings of anxiety and depression about the major adjustment we were about to endure.

I also recall feeling an enormous amount of guilt about feeling anything other than pure joy and excitement during that time. I had previously suffered a miscarriage, and this baby was so incredibly wanted. But for almost four years, it had just been me and my oldest daughter—I worked from home and we were bosom buddies (figuratively and literally, at least for the first 13 months of her life). I was terrified of not being able to give her the same amount of love and attention she was used to.

But, as we all come to realize immediately after our second baby’s arrival, those fears disappear faster than you can say, “Hand me the baby wipes.” Napier agrees. She said once their youngest daughter, Mae, arrived

“All of our worries were unfounded,” she said. “It feels like Mae was always there.”

Though her “grieving period” may be over, Napier says finding the groove of a new routine with two kids hasn’t been easy. (Raise your hand if you’re nodding along vigorously.)

“It feels like every day is a dance, and it has to be carefully choreographed for us to get to the end and all feel good about it,” Erin tells PEOPLE in a new interview. “The wheels fall off around 5 p.m.”

WHEW, YES GIRL. Yes, they sure do! Some nights I don’t even know how we get through dinner, bath time, and bedtime because it’s all one giant blur.

“We’re just trying to find our rhythm,” she explained. “We had a rhythm as a family of three, and now we’re a family of four. Mae needs things when she needs them, and so does Helen and so do we. It’s a challenge, but I think we’re figuring it out.”

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