Pregnancy is hard—but also so life-changing I wish you could experience it too

I know, I know. You understand. I’m pregnant! What pregnant woman can get off the couch? But to me, I’m not just “some pregnant lady.” I’m me. Only for the last several months, I haven’t felt at home in my body at all.

You say I’m beautiful, and I groan and sigh. I knew I would gain weight. But I didn’t expect my face to change. I didn’t expect to not be able to recognize my feet. And it’s not the weight that bothers me. It’s looking in the mirror and not knowing the person looking back at me.

Because the physical changes are just a tiny part of what’s going on inside of me. They are a constant reminder that my entire life—my entire identity— is about to change too .

Every ache, every pain, every kick to the rib reminds me that I am responsible for bringing a life into the world. Every time the ultrasound tech lifts the wand to my belly, I say a prayer. I know if anything were to happen, you would hold me and say it wasn’t my fault. But that’s not exactly true. I’m doing a job no one else can, and it’s terrifying.

Exercise! Don’t exercise too much! Eat organic! Don’t gain too much weight! Eat nuts! Don’t eat nuts!

All day long I hear mixed messages about what I am supposed to do to set my kid down the “right” path before they’re even born. It’s a lot of pressure to parent correctly before the child is even born.

I am holding a life inside of me. It’s an enormous challenge, physically and mentally. But at the same time (even though I don’t want to admit it because I want you to keep getting me ice cream every night and rubbing my back when it aches), I feel a bit sorry for you.

Each of my pregnancies and births has empowered me like nothing else I have experienced in my life. They have not made me a better or truer parent—I have watched your love for our children, and the love of friends who have adopted, and I know pregnancy is only a small part of the parenting experience.

But for the first time in my life, I have felt truly proud of and confident in my body . Knowing what my body can accomplish has made me deeply grateful for it, and much better able to ignore all of its imperfections that bothered me pre-motherhood. It’s a powerful experience, and one I wish you could have.

(Seriously. I wish you could have this experience. And I wish I could experience that beer you are drinking right in front of me, too. ?)

I have to do this part myself, and it’s a large load to bear for my body and my soul. So what I need from you is this: Believe me when I tell you how hard it is. And remind me you’ll be there to share the load for the rest of the journey.