Marry the man who will be the best father to your children

I saw him across a crowded room. And all I could think was that is a one tall, dark, handsome and nerdy-looking guy. (Totally my type.) I MUST MEET HIM.

We hit it off immediately—and that enchanted evening has turned into 14 years together, eight house moves, three babies and one wonderful life.

Let me be clear: I first locked eyes and zeroed in on my the-man-who-became-my-husband because he was HOT.

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As we inched towards marriage, I thought about how funny he was. How much he encouraged me in my professional dreams. How adventurous our life together would be. Those are important things, sure. But in the years since, I’ve discovered a whole host of reasons to marry that man.

What I should have said to my falling-in-love- and-I-hope-he-proposes self was this.

Marry this person—

Marry the person who will eat breakfast outside in December when your morning sickness is so bad that even the sight of food makes you vomit.

Marry the person who won’t make your turn off that ridiculous TV show because they know how much you love it.

Marry the person who will drop everything to bring MegaStuff Oreos home to his 8-months-pregnant wife when she texts him: “THIS IS URGENT.”

Marry the person who will be mistaken for a doctor when he recites your “station,” dilation and blood pressure back to the resident OBGYN when you’re about to give birth.

Marry the person who will know exactly how to comfort you during the darkest of times without even saying a word.

Marry the person who will cradle your newborn baby in his arms and make your child looks so tiny, and feel so loved.

Marry the person who will shave your legs when you can’t after a C-section.

Marry the person who will tell you that you are a superhero when you need to hear it most.

Marry the person whose Amazon history will include belly butter, granny panties and pumping bras.

Marry the person who will bring coffee—that precious nectar from the gods—to your bedside without being asked after a particularly sleepless night with a newborn.

Marry the person who will endure an incredibly difficult job in order to provide for their family.

Marry the person who will find the sight of you in day-old sweatpants incredibly sexy.

Marry the person who will turn even the most mundane tasks like grocery shopping or decluttering into a fun “date” together.

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Marry the person who will know the *exact* subtext when you text, “SOOO when are you getting home?”

Marry the person who will get enraged when they read about sexism—against boys or girls—and vows to transform the world alongside you.

Marry the person who will understands that matching family Christmas pajamas are a NEED, not a want.

Marry the person who will analyze your child’s poop patterns, sleep schedule and speech issues with as much intensity as you.

Marry the person who will just KNOW when you need a break and will give you an hour, day or week off, entirely guilt-free.

Marry the person who will tell you, no you’re not acting crazy (when, let’s be real…you’re acting a little crazy.)

Marry the person who will see the adorable, hilarious, incredibly-demanding little person you created together and say: Let’s do it again.

Marry the person who will put you and your little family first, above all else.

Marry the person who will not judge the Etsy packages, the Amazon Prime boxes occasional wine delivery that mysteriously shows up on your doorstep.

Marry the person who will beams as big you as do as your kid “dances” across the stage for the first time.

Marry the person who will spend their hard-won Christmas bonus buying a minivan because the swagger wagon is just necessary at this stage of life.

Marry the person who will cheer you on in your career and act as your proudest fan.

Marry the person you know will set the standard in a spouse for your children.

Marry the person who will make the best T-Rex noises playing “DINOSAURS ATTACK” with your three kids downstairs.

Marry the person whose idea of the best life is the exact one you’ll be living as parents.

A version of this post was published November 16, 2017. It has been updated.

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