5 tips to help children cope with moving

Many childhood growing pains relate to stories of a big move. A parent’s new job or separation uproots a family from what a child knows of home and places them in an unfamiliar setting to be the “new kid.”  School, friends and a sense of belonging become packed memories soon to be unboxed like suppressed emotions. 

As a military family, these moves were expected but became tougher as my children aged. To lessen the emotional burden of “the big move,” parents can listen and openly communicate feelings, expectations and planning so that young ones can feel like they are an important part of the decision-making process. Here are 5 tips to support your child during “the big move.”

Tips for moving with kids

1. Plant the seed in advance

It can be puzzling for anyone to learn their life is scheduled to change, especially at short notice. When moving is expected it may serve best to mention it early in the process. This gives an opportunity for children to communicate their initial feelings and understand the reasoning for the move. It’s an excellent way to support your child by hearing their concerns, validating their emotions and allowing them time to sort through those feelings. Remind yourself that children have established their own community of peers, routines and customs in their relatively short span on earth. Allowing them ample time to manage these upcoming adjustments may also help them recognize the potential for new experiences and growth.  

2. Utilize their talents 

It’s hard to make friends, even as adults, but shared interests and talents are one hack that has proved promising.  Do prior research on your destination for groups, teams or organizations your child may be interested in or shows talent for. It could be joining the little leagues, drill teams, extracurriculars in the arts or volunteering with nonprofits or religious affiliations. This is a fun introductory way for children toget a sense of belonging in a new environment among “birds of a feather.”

3. Dream of the dream home 

The saying “home is where the heart is” can be a decorator’s delight.  Consider letting your child be the creative force behind their potential new room. It’s a golden opportunity to let them lead the way in making the new home feel like home. Show them the inspiration for themed designs of bedrooms found on sites such as Pinterest, that use their favorite color schemes, patterns or characters. The teeny boy band posters may be an aesthetic eyesore as a parent but can comfort our tweens and teens (remember we were that age once). Incorporating a few treasures from the past such as pictures of friends and memorabilia is perfect for placing your child’s heart where they’ll reside.  

4. Reframe “goodbye”

With the advancement of digital platforms saying goodbye isn’t what it used to be. With parental guidance, FaceTime, Zoom and family-friendly gaming apps can be an interactive way for children to stay connected to friends and family. For young adults social media bridges distances by consolidating communication into liking and commenting on posts. For the sentimental (or old-fashioned), handwritten letters through the mail could be fun. Kids will anticipate receiving mail and parents can help refine their child’s writing skills. It’s a win-win!  

5. Become a local tourist

A move to a new vicinity means finding new favorites, which could mean restaurants, parks, entertainment venues and events. Letting your child be an explorer of new local destinations and experiences will add excitement amid the stress. Have a scavenger hunt to find a pizzeria that is a local buzz. What unique ways does the area celebrate holidays or establish other festivities? Is nature in the backyard or a short-day trip to beautiful scenery? Encourage your child’s curiosity in the new destination. Let them find the fun and comfort zones.  

Adults tend to take the stress of moving head-on in planning. However, children face the weight of changes in decisions they’ve had little to no input. Including them in the process can prove a move doesn’t have to be scary but instead an entrance to new, exciting experiences and bridging comforts and connections.