Around my third or fourth week back at work after maternity leave, I picked up the phone and called a friend who was a veteran working mom. I asked her this question after a particularly emotional day missing my baby:

“Is it always going to feel this way?”

I called her because I knew she would give it to me straight but also reassure me that everything is going to be ok. I figured she had been through this and she was ok, so I’ll just listen to her and then I’ll be ok. She said, “Girl, it’s always going to feel like this, you just grow into ways of dealing with it and being ok with it.”

At first hearing that felt as harsh as the Brillo pad needed to clean dried baby food out of a high chair. But as I let it sink in, I realized what she was really saying was that IT’S OK to feel guilty, sad, or any emotion when you are a working mom. Those emotions mean you are a caring mom. If you didn’t feel them, something would be off.

It’s more about HOW you deal with the emotions. Are you going get down every time the emotions come up? Are you going to beat yourself up for working?

One of the best ways help work through the emotions is to assemble what I call your “Thrive Tribe.” You can call or connect with this support network of women when you are moving through your emotions, need advice or just need to bond.

Here is how I recommend putting your own Thrive Tribe together — seek out the following women:

Experienced mom friend (not family).

 

A photo posted by Michelle Treiber🐨 (@michelle_treiber) on Jul 12, 2016 at 9:10am PDT

The reason I say not a family member is often our moms or sisters are so close that they feel free to say whatever THEY think is right for YOU. When what you need is an objective point of view.

A mom at your work.

 

A video posted by Heather Tam (@heathertam88) on Jul 13, 2016 at 6:54pm PDT

This mom knows the ins and outs of where to pump and how bosses deal with flexible schedules, pump room locations, how to talk to HR, etc.

A family member or friend who is a mom.

 

A photo posted by Alice Neo (@aliceneoky) on Dec 27, 2015 at 5:58pm PST

This is the woman you will turn to when you need a good listen or a good cry.

Facebook private/secret groups.

 

A photo posted by Jirawat Karanwittayakarn (@jirawatee) on Jul 2, 2016 at 7:31am PDT

Find a private group of local moms who you can ask baby questions. Make sure it’s not visible to the public. You don’t want everyone to see you posting picture of your baby’s funky diaper rash.

Women in your community like your church, child care or friends.

 

A photo posted by Kristy (@kristycantwell) on Mar 27, 2016 at 6:10pm PDT

These women will help you stay connected to a supportive network, feel spiritually fulfilled, and simply share much needed parenting tips.

Related Stories

Life

The 5 mamas you need in your thrive tribe

Life

The 5 mamas you need in your thrive tribe

Life

The 5 mamas you need in your thrive tribe