My child’s seizure disorder means mothering is different for me

When you were pregnant did you daydream of all the plans you had for your child? Did you dream of all the firsts? First steps, first words, the first day of school? Did you imagine sports on the weekends?

Did you wonder who they would be?

I did.

Were all those dreams and plans wrong? Mine were.

When the day came for us to meet our baby I knew. And at that time it broke me into a million pieces. I knew for the rest of our lives that our dreams and plans would never look the same as anyone else’s.

But you know what? We picked up the pieces. We had new dreams and we made new plans.

We no longer dreamed of the firsts.

We dreamed our baby would make it through surgery.

We dreamed of living life outside of the hospital walls at home with our baby.

We dreamed of the little milestones our baby might meet and we celebrated them because even though it’s not a big milestone to you, it’s a mountain to us.

We dreamed of seeing our baby boy smile and he did!

We dreamed that one day we would find a cure for our child’s seizure disorder.

We adapted and we started watching our new dreams come true, one at a time, slowly but surely.

And if they don’t? That’s okay too. We keep dreaming anyway.

Mothering different—it’s all I know now.

I know how to change a trach, how to place a g-tube and give tube feedings, how to give CPR, how to do physical therapy, how to do range of motion exercises and how to draw up and administer medications through the g-tube.

I know how to put a brave face on when my child is being wheeled back for yet another surgery.

I know how to comfort my child during seizures.

I know how to react during emergencies because my child’s life depends on it.

I know how to speak my child’s silent language.

I know how to be an advocate because I need to be my child’s voice.

I know how to find joy and miracles in the little things that are often overlooked.

But most importantly, I know how to love a special little baby with my whole heart, and give him the life full of adventure he deserves.

I know how to love different, how to embrace different, how to see all the different and know that it is beautiful.

That is mothering different. And it’s an honor.

Originally posted on Chelsea Wasden’s Instagram.