10 ways to support a new NICU mama

You were so excited for your best friend to welcome a sweet baby until their entire world got turned upside down. Suddenly, your best friend is a NICU mama. A badge of honor that you aren’t familiar with and quite frankly don’t understand. You want to provide them your unconditional support but have no idea where to start.

Here are 10 ways to support a friend who’s a new NICU mama

Allow them to grieve the birth experience they missed out on

Your friend just went through one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives. They may feel as though they missed out on the joy and beauty of pregnancy as well as labor and delivery. Allow them to grieve that fact without judgment.

Offer your support but understand it may be on their terms

Days may go by without a return phone call or text from a new NICU mama. Understand that this is nothing personal towards you and that they see every missed call and text. They are learning to cope and they’re hoping you understand enough to know that when they are ready to talk, they will.

Provide them love through kind gestures

Consider sending their favorite meal through a delivery service, drop off a gift basket full of their favorite items or send them a “Thinking of You” card. Small gestures like this don’t go unnoticed and will allow them to know you are thinking of them and showing support from a respectful distance.

Purchase something special for their NICU baby

Special items with their NICU baby’s birth statistics such as a blanket, ornament or stuffed animal are  priceless gifts to a new NICU mama. This allows them to continue processing the reality of the situation while admiring a thoughtful and timeless gift. Years from now they can look back on this sweet gesture and be reminded of the support you provided them.

Express your love and support for their journey

Sending a gentle text means the world to a NICU mama. Even a  simple meme that makes them feel seen  will send their gratitude to the depths of the deepest ocean. If there is anything a NICU mama desires to hear it’s, “I’m so proud of you.”

Hug them and don’t let go until they do

Seeing the people that are most special to a NICU mama after their delivery can send them through a whirlwind of emotions. You are their safe place. You are someone they can trust with their most intimate emotions. Hug them and don’t let go until they do. You may not realize just how long they need to be embraced.

Let them know they aren’t alone

While you may not understand exactly what they are experiencing, allow them to know that they are not alone in this journey. Explain that you are here for them in any capacity they may need, when they are ready. Let them know they aren’t alone.

Don’t compare your birth experience to theirs

Unless you are a NICU mama, please do not offer unsolicited advice or share your experiences. This can be hard for  NICU mamas to process as all they are focused on at this time is their unexpected journey. Please, respect that.

Always be willing to listen

Perhaps a few days have gone by since you’ve gotten a response from your friend when suddenly you check Instagram and find that they sent you a meme that resonates with what they are feeling. This may be the best way, in that moment, for them to express their emotions. Always be willing to listen, no matter the platform.

Embrace being the best friend of a NICU mama

Just as your friend is experiencing something completely new, so are you. The role you have taken on as being a friend to a NICU mama was also unexpected. Allow yourself to process this stage of your friendship and take care of yourself too.  As a force of strength you are helping them through this motherhood journey. Embrace it with a sense of honor and pride.

While being a NICU parent is a badge of honor, so is being a friend to a NICU mama. You are the person your friend turns to during the darkest and most difficult times of their lives. While you may not have experienced being a NICU mama yourself, being a good friend is universal and consistent. At the end of the day, consistency is precisely what a NICU mama needs. 

Thank you for being a NICU mama’s friend.