This stage will pass—so savor it, mama

My daughter is now 10 months old and is currently trying to crawl all over the house and climb on to every piece of furniture she finds on her way.

But mere months ago she was cuddled up in my arms, completely helpless and unable to do anything for herself.

It looks today like the walking stage is slowly getting close and I will—again—have to find some other way to adjust to this new stage.

Recently one afternoon as my baby was (finally!) napping, I did what every mom does, but perhaps shouldn’t, when their baby is sleeping.

I looked through old photos and videos of my baby on my phone.

I know I should give the baby thing a rest, but gosh it seemed just like yesterday when all she could do was coo and sleep.

How good were those days?

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I was having all my nostalgic moments until, deep within my photos I found a picture of me passed out on the couch with my baby asleep next to me on her bouncy chair.

Now this sounds like a beautiful photo, but to be a little more descriptive, it was me with half of my hair in a bun, wearing a robe and my eyes full of days old mascara under my eyes. I could’ve been drooling but I was too terrified to look too closely.

While my baby was swaddled next to me, sleeping peacefully on her bouncy chair, with a little smile on her face.

I tried to figure out why I had this photo on my phone. And then I remembered. It was a flashback to one of those days, whenI didn’t get anything accomplished because as tired as my baby was she was just not falling asleep.

That day didn’t want to sleep on her crib, swing, sling, wrap or anything else I had tried that day. I had been up for hours, I hadn’t showered that whole day, the house was upside down and I had terrible cabin fever, but it was way too hot to go outside. And my husband was having a long day at work.

That picture was taken by my husband when he arrived from work and found us both asleep in the living room, and he thought it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. If only he knew the back story of this day, he wouldn’t have found this photo so beautiful.

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And thanks to my “smart” phone it was saved in between all of my pretty baby pictures.

That’s when it dawned on me that as a mom I seem to forget the difficult times from the past.

I seem to always wish I could go back to that time, forgetting that those times were also spent with other burdens and responsibilities I had to face.

Of course now I see all the things I could’ve done better and the things I would have avoided only if… I had done things differently.

But the truth is that I was learning.

I was learning how to be a mom, and not just a mom, but a mom to the specific child I am raising because as I hear from every mother that has more than one child is that they are all so different. What worked with one doesn’t work for another.

Sometimes, I spend my days putting so much pressure on myself when I’m going through a specific stage that when I’m on to a different stage I then wish I could go back so I could do things better.

But by doing this I’ve been missing out on all the sweet moments each stage brings by wishing each day would just go by a little faster.

And the only time I realize how good it was—is when I’m out of that stage and onto the next one.

It’s on days like this that I have to remind myself that each stage is amazing, and should be lived to the fullest, in my life as well as my child’s life.

Becoming a mother has challenged me to love each stage I’m in. Because somehow time seems to go by so fast! And if I’m wishing I could go back I will miss the beautiful moments of today.

Each day brings its own worries, and challenges we must overcome. But if I let those difficulties take away from the beautiful memories I can make with my child today, then I am missing out on the beauty that is life.

I have to remind myself that, though each stage in our lives isn’t perfect, there is always beauty in it.

A version of this story was originally published on July 1, 2016. It has been updated.