I just want to sit

My husband is an avid golfer and as such, is often gone for 5-6 hours during the weekend to play. I fully support this, as it’s important for people to have their own hobbies and to have time to themselves. He always tries to make sure things are balanced and that I have time by myself, too.

What he doesn’t get, though, is that I just want to sit. In our house. Without the kids. And without any obligation to do anything. 

I just want to sit.

I do things all day, every day. From the minute I open my eyes to well after the kids are in bed—I’m doing something, or thinking about doing something. My brain is constantly checking off a task and gearing up for the next one. If I’m not doing something, my first instinct is to panic that I’ve forgotten to do something. 

At the end of each day, though, there is a glorious window after the kids are asleep, the kitchen is clean and the play area is somewhat tidy that I can just sit.

And that sitting is glorious. It usually involves some trashy TV or some Instagram scrolling, but it’s time that the doing part of my brain gets a break. But here’s the problem with that sitting time—if I’m sitting, I’m not sleeping. If I’m not sleeping, my ability to do things the next day isn’t great. In short, I need more time to just sit.

Sitting is great. I can sit without a bra in my comfy clothes. I can sit on the couch without a little person tugging at me. I can sit on my bed and luxuriate in the fact that there is nothing to do. I can sit in complete silence knowing that no one is expecting me to do something. For a few hours I can turn off my mom brain and the endless to-do list in my head. There’s no touching, no over-stimulation, no brain cells required.

And the best thing about sitting? It’s free. 

We live in a world where there’s an insane amount of pressure to be actively doing something all the time.

I know my husband means well when he tries to get me to get out of the house for solo time. But getting out of the house is an activity on its own, and I don’t have a hobby that can occupy several hours (besides sitting). When you make the decision to leave the house, you also have to plan for what to do and then actually do those things. And I don’t want to do any of it. 

I just want to sit. 

We live in a world where there’s an insane amount of pressure to be actively doing something all the time. Thanks to technology, you could “do” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you want to. It’s hard to just sit. It’s hard to justify or to give yourself permission to fully turn off. Alone time is crucial, even “fuel for life,” but is in direct conflict with the productivity-obsessed world we live in. 

I often ask my husband what he talks about to the other people he’s golfing with. His answer is usually something along the lines of “nothing really” or “we just talked about how we’re playing.” He’s out there for hours, but the beauty is that he’s able to turn off and just focus on the next shot. Golfing is his version of sitting.

Does it make me lazy that I just want to sit? I used to think so. Now I realize that no, it does not. It makes me a mom who knows what she needs to recharge. I find that after a solid sitting session I have more energy to tackle all of the things. I’m happier, and this translates into being a better partner and a better mom. 

So you know what? I’m starting a sitting club so that “sitting” becomes a certified hobby. We’ll call it the I Just Want To Sit club. I’ll make merch so it’s official and everything. Membership is open to anyone who needs a little break. 

The only rule?

You just have to sit.