Home / Life / Motherly Stories What it’s like to be the mom of a neurodivergent child Canva I am the mom who wishes some things may be different for her child, but never wishes for a different child. By Jane Kim September 2, 2024 Canva Rectangle Being a parent of a neurodivergent child can be incredibly isolating. Your friends have similar motherhood journeys but you can’t relate. If you share your experience, they can’t identify and it gets uncomfortable. You don’t see much of what you go through represented in the media, and you long to find your village. But you’re not alone. It’s estimated that more than 1 in 5 children in the United States are neurodiverse. As moms of these children, own your story—because it’s uniquely yours. Besides, what’s the alternative? The more we share, the more awareness, acceptance, kindness and community we create. Related: I’m the mom of a child with autism. Here are 3 things I want people to know So, here’s my story, which is likely a part of your story. Wherever you are, I see you—and I’m in your corner. I am the mom with the only child, for fear that having another will divert my time, energy, resources and devotion from my first. I am the mom who sometimes wonders if my spouse or partner will one day wake up, freak out and realize it’s all too much. I am the mom who can be found sitting alone at the preschool/kindergarten/middle school concert/talent show/picnic. I am the mom who has endless patience, then loses it, is overcome with guilt and starts over—again and again. I am the mom who never fully shared my early motherhood journey. But not many people asked, either. I am the mom who may be blamed and judged for my child’s differences—from family and friends, to random people at restaurants and stores. I am the mom who considered tapping into my HELOC (or taking a second mortgage on the house) to build a state-of-the-art sensory room, pay for therapists, private schools and anything else that may help my child thrive. Related: Your motherhood journey might look different than what you expected—and that’s OK I am the mom who hears words like “annoying,” “not normal,” “strange” or “atypical” to describe my child and other children with diagnoses, disabilities or differences. I am the mom who is given extra time at doctor and dentist appointments and parent-teacher meetings. I am the mom who has more doctors, specialists and therapists for my child than I have had in my entire life. I am the mom that knows the difference between an IEP and a 504 plan. I am the mom who has 10+ people at my child’s IEP meeting and starts each meeting with, “What do you see as his greatest strengths?” I am the mom who uses words like proprioception, motor planning, sensory-seeking behavior and bilateral coordination. I am the mom who celebrates the inchstones, milestones and everything in between. I am the mom who has difficulty advocating for herself, but advocates for her child like a boss. Related: 5 smart steps for parenting neurodivergent kids I am the mom who isn’t sure how much money I need for my child’s future—and have made great strides in navigating and living in the unknown. I am the mom who can discern between a choice or something biochemical; that is, until my child changes and then I’m back to square one. I am the mom who has Caesar salad dressing in the refrigerator that probably expired two years ago. I am the mom who is also a daughter, sister, partner, friend, manager, co-worker, writer, neighbor, doubles tennis partner, and maker of killer nachos and Arancini balls. I am the mom who cheerfully says my son’s name whenever he returns from school, throws a football, plays video games and basketball with him, and gives him as many goodnight kisses as the month’s date. I am a mom who is hopeful and fearful for the future. I am the mom who wishes some things may be different for her child, but never wishes for a different child. Author's Note Jane Kim writes a weekly newsletter about learning to connect the dots, gaining comfortability in uncertainty, and her experiences parenting a neurodivergent child. To see a sample newsletter and subscribe: https://conta.cc/46YaeXu This story is a part of The Motherly Collective contributor network where we showcase the stories, experiences and advice from brands, writers and experts who want to share their perspective with our community. We believe that there is no single story of motherhood, and that every mother's journey is unique. By amplifying each mother's experience and offering expert-driven content, we can support, inform and inspire each other on this incredible journey. If you're interested in contributing to The Motherly Collective please click here. The latest Life Washington Post politics reporter Yasmeen Abutaleb on being seven months pregnant on the campaign trail Style Zooey Deschanel’s tips on how to get holiday party-ready (without putting your finger through your tights while your kids are yelling for dinner) Motherly Stories What is the ‘gratitude trap’? How gratitude can keep us stuck Getting Pregnant What to know about using supplements for fertility—and when to start taking them in preconception