I’m not a picture-perfect mother and that’s OK

We’ve all seen them: photos of newborns, swaddled tightly and nestled into tiny wicker baskets sleeping in absolute peace. I always wondered how the parents managed to get their infant wrapped so snug—My swaddle-wrapped baby always had a knack for popping her arms out,  unraveling herself like a poorly wrapped burrito. 

The parents often wore coordinated outfits that didn’t outshine their new baby. I never understood how the moms found time to shop for clothes that fit their new bodies. I often saw the entire family beaming with not a hint of sleep deprivation in sight. I learned that these family photographers are often booked weeks, sometimes months in advance, to capture these picture-perfect moments. 

As soon as I became pregnant, I started to feel the pressure to capture every stage—maternity, birth and the newborn period—on camera. But I soon decided to to let go of society’s picture-perfect expectations of what a family should or should not look like. Once I changed my perspective, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Motherhood isn’t perfect. It’s more than okay to have pictures and videos showing the everyday reality of being a parent.

So, I didn’t hire a professional for a maternity photo shoot. Instead, I took selfies and mirror pictures with my growing bump. They weren’t glamorous, but when I look back at them now, I’m filled with fond memories. When I took my first mirror selfie was the day I first started wearing maternity clothes to support my bump and the smile that I see is there because my husband made me feel beautiful even though I didn’t feel that way myself. 

I chose not to bring in a birth photographer. This moment felt private, something I wanted to share just with my husband. Though he did snap a few pictures while I was in labor. They weren’t what I would call “picture perfect.” I look deep in thought, my hair messy, my face shiny from exertion. When I comment on that specific shot, he simply says, “You look beautiful. You were giving me our child.”

I didn’t schedule a photo shoot with my newborn right away either. Looking back, I’m happy I didn’t. My husband and I were dealing with sleep deprivation. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore makeup or non-maternity pants. Instead, we captured the reality ourselves: one of us struggling to keep our eyes open while holding our child, reclining in a chair because the thought of waking a sleeping baby was terrifying to us. We have pictures of our baby making yet another swaddle escape and ones of her in tears during bathtime because how dare we try to wash her. And perhaps most special to me: we have her first smiles and giggles on camera as well. 

These images—which may be perfect to me, imperfect others—are a reminder of my early days as a new mother. They help me remember that motherhood isn’t easy, and that we don’t need to project perfection on social media.

In all of these photos, my baby’s clothes aren’t always matched or free of stains or spit-up. The majority of her wardrobe was secondhand. Why change her pants if only her shirt got dirty? It was a small strategy that helped keep my sane in those wild, sleep-deprived, full of intense love early days.

These images—which may be perfect to me, imperfect others—are a reminder of my early days as a new mother. They help me remember that motherhood isn’t easy, and that we don’t need to project perfection on social media. I hope my story can remind other parents that their pictures can be imperfectly perfect and that’s OK.